Arrows of Time - Kim Falconer [41]
He didn’t press the matter. Why bring it to attention? If the staff’s memories had been tampered with, so had his, though not thoroughly enough. He could glimpse her, as if out of the corner of his eye, in the wings of recollection. Not wanting to draw attention to himself, he’d kept quiet. He’d held onto the disjointed thoughts and images and acted as if he also knew nothing of his first Jane Doe. His plan was to save his investigation for a time when he had the power and resources to conduct it himself. It occurred to him now that the time was well past due. There has to be a record somewhere. There would have been samples from the autopsy. Unless he was going mad, and she never existed after all. He mopped the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve.
Sitting under the orange haze of the parking lights, he fidgeted. He turned his ring around his finger, trying to pull it off. It got close to his second knuckle and wouldn’t budge. There was only one way to get it off. Of course, if he did that, he wouldn’t have the ring any more. It mattered little, really, but he still couldn’t quite let it go. He chuckled. I hang onto what’s not there and search for what may never have existed. Some life this is I’m leading. The irony was knowing his ‘life’ was going to last forever.
He gripped the steering wheel, leaving imprints in the spongy plastic. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t going anywhere while his Jane Doe still breathed. She might wake again. She might speak. His strange patient had disturbed him, shaken him up like he hadn’t been shaken in decades. It took all his strength to repress the demons swirling around in his mind. He had to remain professional, natural—act like nothing was amiss, or Admin would get onto it and shut him down, or worse, re-erase his memories.
Now that would be death, wouldn’t it? He laughed, a humourless sound. Just be regular, Everett. He schooled himself. Give them nothing to notice, nothing to take exception to. For him, being regular meant being considerate, empathic and kind—smart, hardworking and non-confrontational. But tonight he felt nothing like that. Tonight he felt like going for throats. Just let Admin try and shut her down. I’ll tie them up in so much red tape they’ll never find a way out.
He thought about that for a while, smiling. But what his mind wouldn’t ponder, couldn’t give credence to, was his Jane Doe’s only request. She had asked for something. He’d heard it loud and clear, no denying it, but he couldn’t bring himself to honour it.
‘Let me go…’ She had whispered the words after beckoning him closer.
‘Let you go where?’
‘You know.’
‘I assure you, young woman, I don’t.’
‘Let me go…Let me die.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You do.’
He jumped at the tap on the glass. Heart pounding, he lowered the window, making room for the bulbous nose and ruddy cheeks of the emergency charge nurse.
‘Thought you’d still be sitting here,’ she said, pressing her face closer. Her breath smelled of coffee and stress.
He nodded, keeping his manner calm. Be regular, he reminded himself. ‘What’s happening? I didn’t get a page.’
‘Not for lack of trying. You must have it switched off.’
He flipped his wrist over and looked at the subcutaneous implant. He didn’t have to pretend to be surprised. ‘My mistake.’
‘No matter. I found you anyway.’ She leaned against the door. ‘I figured you’d want to know, Dr Kelly. Your Jane Doe woke up again.’
‘And?’ He pulled off his glasses and polished them, holding his breath.
‘She looked around and slipped back under like a stone.’
‘Did she say anything?’
‘Not that I heard.’
‘Vitals?’
‘Stable for now, save the arrhythmia and a slight fever.’
‘I’ll just be a moment.’ He nodded at the nurse and triggered the window. She had to pull her head out to keep from getting pinched. Everett rubbed