Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer [79]
He would live above ground for a spell. Masquerade as a human dwarf, with an aversion to light. Perhaps buy a penthouse with thick blinds. In Manhattan perhaps, or Monte Carlo. It might seem odd, of course, a dwarf shutting himself away from the sun. But then again, he would be an obscenely rich dwarf. And humans will accept any story, however outlandish, when there’s something in it for them. Preferably something green that folds.
Artemis could hear a voice calling his name. There was a face behind the voice, but it was blurred, hard to make out. His father, perhaps?
“Father?” The word was strange in his mouth. Unused. Rusty. Artemis opened his eyes.
Butler was leaning over him. “Artemis. You’re awake.”
“Ah, Butler. It’s you.”
Artemis got to his feet, head spinning with the effort. He expected Butler’s hand at his elbow to steady him. It didn’t come. Juliet was lying on a chaise longue, dribbling onto the cushions. Obviously the draft hadn’t worn off yet.
“It was just sleeping pills, Butler. Harmless.”
The manservant’s eyes had a dangerous glint. “Explain yourself.”
Artemis rubbed his eyes. “Later, Butler. I’m feeling a bit—”
Butler stepped into his path. “Artemis, my sister is lying drugged on that couch. She was almost killed. So explain yourself now!”
Artemis realized that he’d been given an order. He considered being offended, then decided that perhaps Butler was right. He had gone too far.
“I didn’t tell you about the sleeping pills because you’d fight them. It’s only natural. And it was imperative to the plan that we all go to sleep immediately.”
“The plan?”
Artemis lowered himself into a comfortable chair.
“The time-field was the key to this whole affair. It’s the LEP’s ace in the hole. It’s what has made them unbeatable for all these years. Any incident can be contained. That and the bio-bomb make a formidable combination.”
“So why did we have to be drugged?”
Artemis smiled. “Look out the window. Don’t you see? They’re gone. It’s over.”
Butler glanced through the net curtains. The light was bright and clear. Not a hint of blue. Nevertheless, the manservant was unimpressed. “They’re gone for now. They’ll be back tonight, I guarantee it.”
“No. That’s against the rules. We beat them. That’s it, game over.”
Butler raised an eyebrow.“The sleeping pills, Artemis?”
“Not to be distracted, I see.”
Butler’s answer was an implacable silence.
“The sleeping pills. Very well. I had to think of a way to escape the time-field. I trawled through the Book, but there was nothing. Not a clue. The People themselves have not yet developed a way. So I went back to their Old Testament, back when their lives and ours were intertwined. You know the stories—elves that made shoes during the night, sprites that cleaned houses. Back when we coexisted to a certain extent. Magical favors in exchange for their fairy forts. The big one, of course, was Santa Claus.”
Butler’s eyebrows nearly jumped off the front of his face.
“Santa Claus?”
Artemis raised his palms. “I know, I know. I was a tad skeptical myself. But apparently our little corporate-image Santa Claus is not descended from a Turkish saint, he is a shadow of San D’Klass, the third king of the Frond Elfin dynasty. He is known as San the Deluded.”
“Not a great title, as titles go.”
“Admittedly. D’Klass thought that the greed of the Mud People in his kingdom could be assuaged by distributing lavish gifts. He would marshal all the great wizards once a year and have them throw up a great time-stop over vast regions. Flocks of sprites would be sent out to deliver the presents while the humans were asleep. Of course, it didn’t work. Human greed can never be assuaged, especially not by gifts.”
Butler frowned. “What if the humans . . . we, that is . . . What if we had woken up?”
“Ah yes. Excellent question. The heart of the matter. We wouldn’t wake up. That is the nature of the time-stop. Whatever your state of consciousness going in,