Artemis Fowl_ The Arctic Incident - Eoin Colfer [69]
There was a hole bored into one of the columns. Mulch rubbed the edges fondly.
‘Diamond laser cutter. Little nuclear battery. That baby could cut through anything.’
‘I remember that cutter too,’ said Root. ‘You nearly decapitated me with it once.’
Mulch sighed. ‘Happy days, eh, Julius?’
Root’s reply was a swift kick in the behind. ‘Less talk, more eating dirt, convict.’
Holly placed her hand into the hole. ‘Air currents. The pressure field from the city must have equalized this cave over the years. That’s why we’re not flat as manta rays right now.’
‘I see,’ said Butler and Root simultaneously. Another lie for the list.
Mulch undid his bum-flap.
‘I’ll tunnel up to the top and wait for you there. Clear as much of the debris as you can. I’ll spread the recycled mud around, to avoid closing up the shaft.’
Artemis groaned. The idea of crawling through Mulch’s recyclings was almost intolerable. Only the thought of his father kept him going.
Mulch stepped into the shaft. ‘Stand back,’ he warned, unhinging his jaw.
Butler moved quickly – he was not about to get nailed by dwarf gas again.
Mulch disappeared up to his waist in the titanium column. In moments he had disappeared entirely. The pipe began to shudder with strange, unappetizing sounds. Chunks of clay clattered against the metal walls. A constant stream of condensed air and debris spiralled from the hole.
‘Amazing,’ breathed Artemis. ‘What I could do with ten like him. Fort Knox would be a pushover.’
‘Don’t even think about it,’ warned Root. He turned to Butler. ‘What have we got?’
The manservant drew his pistol. ‘One Sig Sauer handgun with twelve rounds in the magazine. That’s it. I’ll take the gun, as I’m the only one who can lift it. You two pick up whatever you can on the run.’
‘And what about me?’ asked Artemis, even though he knew what was coming.
Butler looked his master straight in the eye. ‘I want you to stay here. This is a military operation. All you can do is get yourself killed.’
‘But…’
‘My job is to protect you, Artemis, and this is quite possibly the safest spot on the planet.’
Artemis didn’t argue. In truth, these facts had already occurred to him. Sometimes being a genius was a burden.
‘Very well, Butler. I shall remain here. Unless…’
Butler’s eyes narrowed. ‘Unless what?’
Artemis gave a dangerous smile. ‘Unless I have an idea.’
POLICE PLAZA
In Police Plaza the situation was desperate. Captain Kelp had pulled the remaining forces into a circle behind overturned workstations. The goblins were taking pot shots through the doorway, and none of the warlocks had a drop of magic left in them. Anyone who got injured from now on, stayed injured.
The Council was huddled behind a wall of troops. All except Wing Commander Vinyáya, who had demanded to be given one of the electric rifles. She hadn’t missed yet.
The techs were crouched behind their desks, trying every code combination in the book to gain access to the Operations’ booth. Trouble didn’t hold out much hope on that front. If Foaly locked a door then it stayed locked.
Meanwhile, inside the booth, all the centaur could do was pound his fists in frustration. It was a sign of Cudgeon’s cruelty that he allowed Foaly to view the battle beyond the blast windows.
It seemed hopeless. Even if Julius and Holly had received his message, it was too late now to do anything. Foaly’s lips and throat were dry. Everything had deserted him. His computer, his intellect, his glib sarcasm. Everything.
BELOW KOBOI LABORATORIES
Something wet slapped Butler in the head.
‘What was that?’ he hissed at Holly, who was bringing up the rear.
‘Don’t ask,’ croaked Captain Short. Even through her helmet filters the smell was foul.
The contents of the column had had a century to ferment, and smelled as toxic as the day it went in. Probably worse. At least, thought the bodyguard, I don’t have to eat this stuff.
Root was on point, his helmet lights cutting swathes through the darkness. The pillar was on a forty-degree angle, with regular grooves that were intended to anchor the titanium