Ascending - James Alan Gardner [154]
“Not so fast,” Immu snapped. “You don’t know a thing about our anatomy. You don’t know what’s safe to rip off and what could be lethal. For all you know, Esticus might die from losing a single claw.”
“I do not believe he could be so frail.”
“But you don’t know,” Immu replied. “As for me, I’m thoroughly familiar with Homo sapiens physiology.” She swung her tail idly toward Festina; my friend grabbed at it weakly but missed. “I know what will and won’t cause fatal bleeding,” Immu continued. “I know which human body parts are expendable. But if you so much as break one of Esticus’s bones without knowing what you’re doing, that’s callous disregard for the possibility you might do lethal damage. Not a sentient attitude, Oar—the League will kill you on the spot.”
“For breaking a finger? When you are threatening to pluck out Festina’s eye?”
“I’m threatening to do something I know won’t kill her. You, on the other hand, would be taking a blind risk with someone else’s life. That is definitely non-sentient. Let my mate go before you get hurt.”
Esticus whispered, “Yes, please, yes, please, yes, please…”
I stared at the whimpering beetle as he dangled in front of me…and suddenly I became furious. For five thousand years, these cowardly creatures had not hesitated to violate entire cultures, to kidnap and imprison individuals who interfered with their plans, to coerce whole species into insipid decadence, and to give people Tired Brains—yet Immu dared suggest I should be executed if I snapped off somebody’s claw? My best friend was choking in front of me. My other friends were enveloped in gooey string, and who knew how well they could breathe inside those cocoons? The Shaddills wished to jelly me against my will, rather than take the slightest personal risk in pursuit of transcendence; yet I was the wicked one who might be punished?
Enough of this nonsense. I would command the Shaddill to remove the nanites from Festina’s windpipe, to release my friends and leave us alone…or else I would grab Esticus’s trembling mandibles and rip them right off his face. It was ridiculous for Immu to claim she could hurt my friends with impunity, but the League would not permit me to hit back.
Slowly, I lowered Esticus until his feet touched the ground. Perhaps Immu thought I was preparing to let her husband go…but in my mind’s eye, I pictured punching the little brown Shaddill in the nose, smashing the mandibles all around his muzzle, hearing the crack of bones as they shattered under my fist.
And yet…and yet…
How did I know I would not kill the hateful fur-beetle? Perhaps smashing his mandibles would do lethal damage. And for all that I was blazing with righteous indignation, I did not wish to murder shaky wee Esticus. The League would then murder me…and I did not care to die so stupidly.
Was there anything I could do to vent my wrath, yet not kill a weak Shaddill one?
Yes.
Changing my grip on Esticus’s wrists, I whirled him around by the arms and slung him into the fountain.
Splash
I did not throw the furry alien, but swung him like an ax: holding his arms and sweeping him across the pool’s surface so that he scooped up a great sloosh of honey that flew in a frothy tsunami. It was fortunate I did not get any splashes on me…but I was wearing my Explorer jacket, and the few drops of spatter that came my way hit fabric instead of skin.
Neither Immu nor Esticus fared so luckily. I had aimed the husband perfectly at the wife—the thick wave of crimson scooped up by Esticus hit Immu full in the face, drenching her head and all down her front. She squealed in terror and jumped backward, trying to wipe honey from her fur; she squealed again when she realized she now had the liquid on her hands. Her eyes bulged horrified as she stared at her fingers…for as she watched, one of her claws melted into soft purple and fell plop to the floor.
Esticus was no better. From the waist down, he was soaked in honey; and his pelt had begun to bubble, sloughing off fur as each little hair dissolved into goo. The skin underneath was already turning puffy.