At First Sight - Nicholas Sparks [109]
“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. “I’ve never done this before.”
“It’s easy,” the nurse replied, her voice soft. She was older than Jeremy but younger than Doris, and Jeremy suddenly wondered if she had children of her own. “Have a seat in the rocker and I’ll hand her to you. All you do is hold her with one arm under her back, and make sure you support her head. And then, most importantly, love her for the rest of her life.”
Jeremy took his seat, terrified and battling an urge to break into tears. He wasn’t ready for this. He needed Lexie, he needed to grieve, and he needed time. He saw Doris’s face again just beyond the glass; he thought he saw her smile ever so slightly. The nurse drew nearer, handling the baby with the ease and comfort of someone who had done this a thousand times.
Jeremy held up his hands and felt the gentle weight of Claire as she came down into them. A moment later, she was nestled in his arms.
A thousand emotions swept through Jeremy at that moment: the failure he’d felt in the physician’s office with Maria, the shock and horror he’d experienced in the delivery room, the emptiness of the walk down the hallway, the anxiety he’d experienced only a minute before.
In his arms, Claire stared up at him, her silvery eyes seeming to focus on his face. All he could think was that she was all that was left of Lexie. Claire was Lexie’s daughter, in features and spirit, and Jeremy found himself holding his breath. Visions of Lexie coursed through his mind: Lexie, who’d trusted him enough to have a child with him; Lexie, who had married him knowing that while he would never be perfect, he would be the kind of father Claire deserved. Lexie had sacrificed her life to give her to him, and all at once he was struck by the certainty that had there been a choice, she would have done it all over again. Doris was right: Lexie wanted him to love Claire in the same way that Lexie would have, and now Lexie needed him to be strong. Claire needed him to be strong. Despite the emotional upheaval of the past hour, he stared at his child and blinked, suddenly certain that what he was doing now was the sole reason he’d been placed on this earth. To love another. To care for someone else, to help another person, to carry her worries until she was strong enough to carry them on her own. To care for someone unconditionally, for in the end that was what gave life meaning. And Lexie had given her life, knowing that Jeremy could do that.
And in that instant, while staring at his daughter through a thousand tears, he fell in love and wanted nothing more than to hold Claire and keep her safe forever.
a cognizant original release september 29 2010
Epilogue
February 2005
Jeremy’s eyes fluttered open with the ringing of the phone. The house was still quiet, cocooned in a dense quilt of fog, and he forced himself to sit up, amazed that he’d slept at all. He hadn’t slept the night before, nor had he slept more than a few hours a night for the last couple of weeks. His eyes felt swollen and red, his head pounded, and he knew he looked as exhausted as he felt. The phone sounded again; he reached for it and pressed the button to answer.
“Jeremy,” his brother said, “what’s up?”
“Nothing,” Jeremy grunted.
“Were you sleeping?”
Jeremy instinctively checked the clock. “Only twenty minutes. Not enough to do any damage.”
“I should let you go.”
Spying his jacket and keys on the chair, Jeremy thought again about what he wanted to do tonight. It would be another night of little sleep, and he was suddenly grateful for his unexpected nap.
“No. I won’t fall sleep again. It’s good to hear from you. How are you?” Glancing down the hall, he listened for Claire.
“I was calling because I got your message,” his brother said, sounding guilty. “The one you left a couple of days ago. You sounded really out of it. Like you were a zombie or something.”
“Sorry,” Jeremy said. “I was