At First Sight - Nicholas Sparks [73]
Lexie felt her stomach sink.
“I want you to know that I never thought it was Rodney’s baby. Never, not once. I knew that you and Rodney had never slept together, and I said something to that effect. I didn’t think twice about it. Honestly, once I hung up, I didn’t even think we’d talk again, but then Alvin called me sometime later, and all I could think was that it was nice to hear from him. And after Rodney and I got into another fight, I just wanted a break from it all . . . so on a whim I decided to head to New York for a few days. I can’t explain it other than to say I had to get out of town and it was a place I’d always wanted to go. So I called Alvin when I got there, and we ended up spending most of the night talking. I was upset and maybe I drank too much, but somehow you came up again and I let it slip that you’d been pregnant before and that it was even noted in Doris’s journal.”
When Lexie raised her eyebrows, Rachel hesitated before going on.
“Doris kept the journal in her office and I was looking through it when I saw your initials and Trevor’s name in there. I know it wasn’t any of my business and I know I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was just talking. I didn’t have any idea that he was sending Jeremy e-mails and trying to break you two up. I didn’t find out about that until this past weekend, after Jeremy was already back here. Alvin called me in this panic on Saturday and blurted out everything, and I got this sick feeling. Not only because of what I’d helped to set in motion, but because he’d been using me all along.” Her voice wavered as she stared at her shredded tissue. “I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lex. I thought we were just talking.”
Rachel’s eyes filled with tears. “You have every right to be angry with me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you never wanted to see me again. If I were you I don’t know that I would want to see me. It’s taken me this long to even work up the courage to come here. I haven’t been able to eat for the last couple of days. I know that probably doesn’t matter, but I wanted you to know the truth. You’ve been like a sister to me over the years, and I’m closer to Doris than I am to my own mother . . . It breaks my heart to think that I hurt you or even to think that I might have played a part in what Alvin was doing. I am so sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am for what happened.”
When she finished, silence settled between them. Rachel had spoken without pause, and the effort seemed to have drained her. The tissue was in tatters, small pieces raining onto the floor, and Rachel bent over to pick them up. As she did, Lexie tried to figure out whether Rachel’s story diminished her responsibility, and how she wanted to respond. She was ambivalent. She felt justified in telling Rachel that she never wanted to see her again, but overpowering her anger was a growing sense of sympathy. She knew that Rachel was flighty and jealous, insecure and occasionally irresponsible, but she also knew that betrayal wasn’t in her nature. Lexie sensed that she’d been telling the truth when she said she had no idea what Alvin had been up to.
“Hey,” she said.
Rachel looked up.
“I’m still angry,” Lexie said. “But I know you didn’t mean it.”
Rachel swallowed. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated.
“I know you are.”
Rachel nodded. “What will you tell Jeremy?”
“The truth. That you didn’t know.”
“And Doris?”
“That I’ll have to think about. I haven’t told Doris anything yet. To be honest, I don’t know that I will, either.”
Rachel exhaled, her relief evident.
“That goes for Rodney, too,” Lexie added.
“What about us? Will we be able to stay friends?