Awake and Dreaming - Kit Pearson [39]
“I hope you like it here, Theo,” she said. “I was really lucky to get this apartment—it was built last year. This is the neighbourhood your mum and I grew up in—James Bay. It’s so convenient, close to my office and the park and the beach.”
She led Theo and Rae up the stairs to a small apartment. It had the same number of rooms as the one in Vancouver. But bright posters were pinned to its clean white walls and the furniture looked new.
“You can have my room, Theo,” said Sharon. “I’ll sleep on the sofa bed.” She chuckled. “I spend most of my time there anyway—I’m a real couch potato!”
She turned on the television while she stirred spaghetti sauce in a tiny kitchen off the living-room. Theo sat on the couch beside Rae, glad of the TV’s blare.
“You seem to be doing all right, Sharon,” said Rae, as they ate around the kitchen table.
Sharon looked proud. “Thanks. I guess I am. I like my job and being a civil servant is really secure. I love being in my own place after having room-mates for so many years. We’re really close to our old house, Mary Rae. Do you want to walk over there in the morning?”
“No, I want to get an early start. Where am I going to sleep?”
“You can have the sofa bed—I have a foamie I can use.”
Soon after supper Theo said she was tired. She curled up in a soft bed covered in a frilly yellow bedspread. The TV droned from the living-room, mixed with the occasional comment by Rae or Sharon.
Theo pulled the blanket right over her head. Then she escaped into her usual going-to-sleep fantasy—being in a proper family.
But now she knew the family. She could hear their voices: Ben’s piping stories about Mortimer, Lisbeth’s shrill demands, Anna’s enthusing, John’s careful explanations. She could feel the touch of Mum and Dad’s hugs and kisses … of Bingo’s slobbery tongue and Beardsley’s rough one. She could smell John’s underarms on the many days when he forgot to use the deodorant he had just begun to need. She could smell Beardley’s litter box and Snow White’s cage and Ben’s socks and Mum’s paints.
She could see them in glowing detail: Lisbeth’s graceful body dancing a bumble-bee, the tufts of fly-away hair on Dad’s balding head, Anna’s braces stuck with bits of food, Ben’s fingernails caked with dirt. Most of all she could see their eyes: Mum and John’s dark and serious, Dad and Anna’s a twinkling hazel, Ben’s round and blue, and Lisbeth’s like amethysts. All the eyes were gazing at Theo and all were brimming with love.
Theo let herself weep softly under the blanket. Then she tried to sleep. Maybe, just maybe, she could have the wonderful dream again.
BUT THEO DIDN’T DREAM at all. She opened her eyes to Sharon’s yellow walls and was pierced with such a sharp grief she could hardly get out of bed. Now she had lost the Kaldors for good.
Sharon had taken the day off work. She tried again to persuade Rae to stay longer or at least to let her drive her to Swartz Bay, but Rae insisted on getting a bus to the ferry before breakfast. Theo stumbled into Sharon’s car in a daze.
“Goodbye, Kitten,” said Rae in front of the depot.
“Goodbye,” muttered Theo.
“I’ll come and visit,” said Rae. “Maybe Cal can come, too.” She looked more and more embarrassed. “Goodbye, then,” she repeated, pulling hard on her cigarette.
Theo didn’t see any point in saying it again. Rae reached forward to hug her; Theo went rigid, her arms pressed to her sides. Sharon hugged her sister, who stood just as stiffly. Finally they watched Rae pick up her backpack and join the crowd boarding the bus.
Sharon sighed. “Don’t worry, Theo. I’m sure she’ll come for a visit soon.” When Theo didn’t respond, she said brightly, “Shall we go back and have breakfast?”
“I don’t care,” said Theo.
13
Sharon made them pancakes. Theo ate mechanically, barely tasting the food. It was as if there were two Theos. Her real self was still in the Kaldor family; the person sitting at the table was like a puppet,