Awake and Dreaming - Kit Pearson [51]
“I don’t care,” shrugged Theo.
16
Theo stood in the hall and clenched her fists as Anna and Lisbeth clattered down the stairs to greet her. All week the real Kaldors and the magic Kaldors had clashed in her mind. Maybe on this visit the family would be the perfect one she had known.
At least they were in better moods today. Anna only called Lisbeth an idiot once and John even asked Theo how she was. Ben had forgotten his anger; he showed Theo his new plastic dinosaurs. Anna’s face was tender as she braided Lisbeth’s hair and Dan hugged John after he played his new piece for them. To Theo’s relief their best selves—the only selves Theo had known before—still existed.
There was even a moment before lunch that came close to the bliss she had once experienced here. Dan had made pizza dough and everyone was creating his or her own pizza from the ingredients he’d arranged on the kitchen table. Arms got tangled as they reached for green peppers and cheese and onions. As John helped Ben cut a piece of salami into a smile, Lisbeth and Laura began singing “Aiken Drum.”
“‘And his mouth was made of pizza, pizza, pizza,’” they all yelled. Theo joined in and they smiled at her. She had sung this with them before, in the car on the way back from skiing. While the song lasted, she was back—back in that time when she’d really belonged.
But as the day went on, Theo began to realize she could never really belong. The magic was over—only the real Kaldors remained. In the real family that moment of perfect harmony in the kitchen rarely came. Someone was always out of kilter and complaining or arguing or moody.
And now Theo was an outsider. John and Anna didn’t protect her, Lisbeth and Ben didn’t adore her, and Laura and Dad didn’t hug or kiss her. Often someone referred to a person or an incident Theo didn’t know about.
And now they asked her questions—uncomfortable questions.
“What does your mother do?” Anna wanted to know, as she and Theo and Lisbeth sat on top of the mountain after lunch.
“She’s a waitress.”
“Where’s your dad?” asked Lisbeth.
Theo squirmed. “I don’t know. He lives in Greece, but I’ve never met him.”
“Never met him!” Lisbeth looked shocked. “Poor Theo!”
“That’s not unusual, Lis,” said Anna. “Theo’s parents probably got divorced when she was a baby, like Ashley Forster’s. He must have met you when you were younger, Theo—you just don’t remember. Maybe you can visit him one day. That would be wonderful, going to Greece!”
A wave of resentment went through Theo. Anna thought everything had simple solutions. Theo’s life was so complicated compared to theirs.
Suddenly she wanted to shock them. “I don’t even know my father’s last name,” she told them. “I’ll never meet him.”
“But doesn’t he send money to your mother?” asked Anna. “Ashley’s father does, even though he lives in Australia.”
“He doesn’t even know I exist. We’ve never had any money. My mother had crumby jobs or we lived on welfare.”
“Welfare!” they cried.
“Sometimes we had to panhandle, too,” said Theo. “I danced and people gave us money.”
Anna looked horrified. “But that’s begging!”
“We didn’t have a choice,” said Theo. She watched a ship glide by on the horizon. Then she took a deep breath and told them everything. How hungry she’d been sometimes, how often they’d moved, what it was like to be alone most of the time in cold apartments full of cock-roaches and mice. They would probably despise her, but she couldn’t help it—she felt full of power as she made the details of her life in Vancouver come alive for them.
“It’s like a story,” said Lisbeth. “Like the little match girl story Daddy read to us.”
Anna’s clear eyes brimmed with tears. “I can’t believe people really live like that.”
“Lots of people do,” said Theo.
“I think you’re really brave,” said Lisbeth.
“So do I,” said Anna.
To Theo’s surprise