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By Root 388 0

’ve been thinking, too—and making plans, since you seem incapable of that. I’ve been to a counsellor and I’ve been talking to Father Wilson at the church. Much as I love Theo, I can’t take care of her any longer. She’s not my child—she’s yours. She needs you. She needs you to be a real mother to her. So here’s my plan. Father Wilson knows a woman in the parish who wants someone to live in her basement suite. She’d charge a low rent in exchange for taking care of the house and her dogs when she’s away. Apparently she travels a lot. I’ve been to see the place—it’s very bright and has a separate entrance into the garden. And it’s just a few blocks away! I’m sure you could find some sort of job in the tourist stores downtown. Theo and I could still see a lot of each other and she could keep going to the same school.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” said Rae. “You’ve organized my whole life nicely, haven’t you? Sorry, Sharon, but I’m going back to Vancouver. If you don’t want Theo, I’ll have to take her with me.”

“I won’t let you,” said Sharon steadily. “You’re not a good enough mother to be entirely on your own. You said yourself she needs the stability of staying here. I can’t take care of her but I want her in my life. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

“In other words, you want to check up on me.”

“Yes!” Then Sharon’s voice became softer. “You need help, Mary Rae—what’s wrong with that? I’d be happy to help you. But I have to lead my own life as well. I want to travel, to do things in the evenings and weekends, not to be tied down with a child.”

“What if I don’t want to be tied down either?”

Sharon slapped the table again. She started yelling. “Mary Rae Caffrey, when are you going to get it into your empty head that you have no choice? She’s your child! You chose to have her and you have to take care of her! When are you going to grow up?” She began sobbing wildly.

Theo couldn’t stay to hear any more. She ran down the hall and unlocked her bike from the stairwell at the end of it. Bumping it down the stairs she pushed it outside and pedalled furiously to the only person in the world she wanted to be with.

WHEN SHE REACHED the cemetery, her heart was pounding so painfully she had to walk her bike with one hand and clutch her chest with the other. Finally she came to the far end. She crashed down her bike and ran over to the gravestone shaped like a book.

“Cecily!” she sobbed. “Cecily, where are you? I need you!”

“I’m coming,” said the calm voice. “Can you see me? What’s the matter, Theo?”

Cecily was walking towards her, deep sympathy in her eyes.

“You’re still here!” choked Theo. “I’m so glad I can see you!” She tried to swallow her tears.

“I’m delighted to see you again, too.” Cecily smiled. “Although I have seen you lots of times lately. I watched you all playing hide-and-seek here last week. But tell me why you’re crying so hard! No one should cry like this.”

Theo squatted on the grass. “They don’t w-want me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Rae and Sharon. I heard them talking. Rae wants to go back to Vancouver without me and—” she shuddered “—and even Sharon doesn’t want me! Rae asked her to keep me and she said no.”

Cecily’s voice sounded tearful too. “You poor, dear child.”

“Couldn’t you have that idea for a story again?” begged Theo. “Couldn’t you put me back with the Kaldors? Please …”

Cecily shook her head. “It wouldn’t work, Theo. It was just a fantasy that somehow became real—for you, at least. But it didn’t last and it would be impossible for it to happen again. You can’t live in a fantasy—you have to live the life you have.”

“But what will happen to me?”

“I don’t know. I feel for you deeply—it’s appalling that they’re juggling you around like this. But they’ll decide something—they won’t abandon you. I know it’s difficult, but when you’re young you have to cope the best you can with what adults do with your life. But remember, they can only control your outer life. Your inner life—your core—is still your own. And when you grow up, you can control all your life.” She paused. “What do you think is going to happen?