Awakening the Buddha Within _ Eight Steps to Enlightenment - Lama Surya Das [104]
If you want to make Right Action a part of your everyday life, you might find it helpful to become a part of an active spiritual or social service community. The Buddha often told seekers, as I am going to remind you again: A group of like-minded friends and kindred spirits can do a great deal to keep you connected to your higher nature. Whether you find this group in a Buddhist sangha, a church, a temple, a Quaker meeting, an ecology or support group, it really doesn’t matter. Start associating more often with other concerned men and women trying to incorporate good works and meaningful goals into their daily activities; it will help you find a focus and loving support for your positive intentions. No matter what your age, gender, or occupation, there are endless ways for you to act with wisdom, compassion, and altruism, which will bless you manifold. Remember the bumper sticker: Think Globally, Act Locally. Just do it.
AVOIDING IDIOT COMPASSION
A friend addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or shopping pleads with you to loan him money—”just one last time”—to feed his habit. Your child begs for permission to do something that you know is potentially self-destructive or dangerous. Your mate is consistently hurtful, abusive, and unkind, yet you consistently forgive him or her. Your troubled relative or friend does something that you know is wrong, and then convinces you to participate in a cover-up so that he or she will not have to face the consequences. If you give in to such demands, you are practicing “idiot compassion.” Trungpa Rinpoche coined this apt phrase to name this false, inverted brand of compassion.
We are being foolish when we congratulate ourselves on our compassionate behavior when in reality we are simply giving in and giving up too easily. In all likelihood we are being lazy, fearful, frightened, or even codependent. This idiotic pseudo-compassion is counterproductive, and can enable others to hurt themselves further. Sometimes to say “no” is far more affirming and supportive than to just say “yes” without reflection.
Wisdom is an essential component of compassion. The enlightened mind is often defined as radiant wisdom endowed with warm love and compassion. Wisdom helps us develop a mirror-like awareness that responds appropriately to what is truly needed in any and every situation. Mirror-like wisdom requires the capacity to stand back and look at the reality of a situation before we jump in. Sometimes we give in because we are trying to manipulate a situation—perhaps we are afraid of rejection or we want to get something in return. We all need to be really clear about what it means to give with a pure and unselfish heart.
Often we do what we always do and give what is easiest for us to give instead of what is needed in each different situation. A friend of mine says that one of the hardest lessons she has had to learn as a parent is to be open to her children’s real needs—beyond what she thinks they need. When her teenage daughter comes into the kitchen wanting to talk, my friend says her knee-jerk maternal response is to start busily rushing around the kitchen trying to give love through food. She seems to get stuck on a single channel, which in her case is the food channel. This mindless busy activity gets in the way of on-the-spot communication. It would be far better to sit down and have a conversation with her daughter. Compassion calls for