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The heart of renunciation implies allowing rather than controlling. It requires letting go of that which is negative and harmful while opening up to sanity and wholeness. The question is: Can we let go of holding back? Can we relinquish our fears and defenses? Can we forgive? Can we surrender and learn to better accept things as they are? Typically, this is accomplished in small gradual steps. We grow up, and we adopt a more mature attitude. When we do this, we leave the homeland of our childhood. We give up our childish ways. We depart from the nest of our family of origin and free ourselves from frozen behaviors. We stop telling ourselves stories; we stop spinning fantasies. We’re all carting heavy baggage that is not helping us get where we want to go or do what we want to do. Once we realize that we no longer need this baggage, we can relinquish it; once we have inner certainty, we can leave our old habits and negativities behind.

MAKING AN EFFORT TO RELINQUISH

GRASPING AND CLINGING

If there is clinging, the practitioner’s view is not

the vast view.

If there is resistance, the meditation is weak.

If there is partiality, the activity is not enlightened

action.

Free from these three is the way of the Natural Great Perfection.

—DZOGCHEN VERSE

The Buddha points out that resistance and clinging is a conditioned, learned response. Clinging is superficial, not essential. Can we come to understand this and relearn and retool our inner machinery? This is truly working on oneself. There are antidotes to suffering, stress, and anxiety: We find them by resisting less, grasping less, and identifying with things less. Nothing is half as important as we usually think it is.

Here are some forms of clinging to renounce:

Clinging to the ego

I think one of the reasons people love being out in nature is because there is so much less ego conflict. It’s a respite from the bumper-car effect of colliding egos. That’s also a reason why people love spiritual retreats. On retreat, we are less demanding and less demanded of; we find that we need to prove less. Too often in our lives we think mostly in terms of “my space,” “my time,” “my work,” “my goals,” “my people.” When we let go and stop cherishing me and mine, we are able to open up and allow others in. Letting go of a dualistic view of the world allows us to see who we truly are; it can help us recognize our own Buddha-nature.

Clinging to narrow-minded opinions

Although some behaviors are consistently considered wrong—harming others for example—it is always understood that our different perceptions of reality are open to interpretation. Clinging strongly to opinions obscures the mind and distorts clear vision. In this way we become attached to unworkable conceptions. This plays out in all the arenas of our life. Think about the mother who has an idea that her athletic daughter should study ballet rather than learn to throw a softball, or the friend who always insists on the last word. Let’s use nonjudgmental, meditative awareness to help us open up our minds and dance with ideas—instead of fixating upon them.

Clinging to the pleasure/pain principle

Will a bag of M&M’s bring happiness? How about a beer and some peanuts? What about romance and a sexual partner? Let’s face it, nobody is ever going to find lasting peace and contentment through enchantment, addiction, sensuality, or even romantic attachment. Sometimes we even become attached not only to pleasure but also to pain. We get so stuck in the familiar ruts of hurtful relationships that we don’t know how to let go and move on, although it is so obviously in our interest to do so.

Clinging to empty rites and rituals

Nothing in pure Buddhism encourages blind faith or cultlike environments. People cling to tired dogma all the time, but that is not Dharma. The Buddha wisely challenged his followers to open their minds and think for themselves, rather than believing in anything just because it had been said by authorities,