Awakening the Buddha Within _ Eight Steps to Enlightenment - Lama Surya Das [135]
On the other hand, marriage vows can, just like monastic ordination vows, help us develop, maintain, and further deepen our profound commitments. Commitments, resolutions, agreements, and vows help us persevere when the going gets rough. Almost every relationship must meet crises; how well we can deal with them together often defines the character and longevity of the relationship. I always find it interesting that the Chinese word for crisis is composed of two characters: danger and opportunity. Two people who are in accord about wanting to be together would do well to focus on the opportunities that an interpersonal crisis can present. Remember the pearl principle.
We all have many relationships, not just with people, but with all forms of life, the inanimate world, and our planet. We enjoy kinship to everything and everyone. One challenge is acknowledging that kinship and acting accordingly. What is our true relationship to things other than people and animals? There was a book published years ago called The Secret Life of Plants, which explained the ways in which plants have sensations or feelings. All of this is fairly uncharted territory.
We don’t have to withdraw from relationships in order to be good Buddhists, or good anything. Let’s just try to be good-hearted people. In one sense, of course we are all alone, existentially speaking. In another sense, it’s very hard to try to make this journey alone. We talk about Milarepa, meditating alone for many years, but even Milarepa had a disciple, Gampopa, and a sister. We all need friends. Relationships are essential.
Can we take what we know and what we learn from Buddhism and apply it in our relationships? Can we see the Buddha in those to whom we feel close, even when they annoy us? Can we stop clinging to others, trying to shape and control them, and instead allow them more space, freedom, and time? From possessiveness comes conflict; letting go delivers satisfaction. Can we create relationships that are warm, trusting, and kind? Can we take our bodhicitta intentions and use them with friends, family, coworkers, as well as strangers? Can we be consistently supportive, friendly, and well-intentioned? This is an effort we must make.
It takes trust to be present, to be able to let go, to just be—open, unconditional, unguarded, without maintaining any armor or false persona as a means of self-protection. Fear keeps our guard up; love, relaxation, self-confidence, assurance, honesty, and trust lets us open up more, paving the way for love, unconditional openness, and fearless acceptance of whatever comes to us. Faith and devotion help us develop such trust, such inner conviction, such certainty that we can open up and let go, without all the balls we have up in the air crashing down around us. Mindful awareness and attention helps us realize we actually can live like that. This is the natural state. We can return to it; we don’t have to buy it or acquire it elsewhere or from someone else. We reinforce our constricted hearts when we cower in the corners of life. Step up and step out.
BALANCED EFFORT
I think it’s important that we not overlook the joy of the journey due to an excess of goal orientation. One story about the Buddha concerns a young neophyte who was struggling to meditate. It seems when this young monk sat in morning meditation, he couldn’t stop his thoughts from rushing in. Finally he went to the Lord Buddha to confess his frustration and ask him what to do.
“Do you remember,” the Buddha asked, “how you used to tune the sitar strings as a young lay person?”
“Yes,” the young man replied.
“Was the music sweetest when the strings were taut or slack?” the Buddha gently inquired.
“Neither too tight, nor too loose, Lord; the middle way of moderation and balance always proved best,” said the monk.