Awakening the Buddha Within _ Eight Steps to Enlightenment - Lama Surya Das [28]
POISON TWO: ATTACHMENT
Who or what are you most attached to? Is it a person? Is it some object? Is it an attitude or a behavior pattern? Are you attached to some repetitive or even compulsive habit or way of doing things? Are you attached to money? Are you attached to status? How about ambition? Often our attachments take over our lives. It is as if we are possessed by our possessions. We want success so much that we give up real lives; we want beautiful things so much that we only see the imperfections in what we have; we become so attached to others that we try to control or own them; we become so attached to something or somebody that we become totally dependent and forget who we are.
The Dharma also teaches us that there are two poisonous subsets of attachment: pride and jealousy. We are so “attached” to our possessions and accomplishments that they become a source of pride. This pride causes us to define ourselves by our attachments. Who am I? “I am the president of the company;” “I am a Ph.D.;” “I am the doctor’s wife;” “I am the best basketball player on the block.” Pride plays a large role in maintaining a rigid persona; it fixes us in place, entangling and entrapping us, deadening the living flow of authenticity and spirit.
Jealousy, like pride, is one of the components of a dualistic world view. “She has something more or different than I have. I want that something.” Or, “He is trying to take something away from me. I won’t let it happen.” Hanging on to pride and jealousy are manifestations of ego clinging. Purifying oneself of pride and jealousy is essential in loosening and diminishing our ego-centered and incorrect view of reality and in bringing harmony and reconciliation into our lives.
Our attachments often define our compulsions. Men and women who attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, trying to overcome an attachment or addiction to a substance, frequently hear and use the phrase “Let go, and let God.” A traditional Buddhist might prefer the phrase “Let go, and let Buddha.” Words are secondary; it’s the same principle. Don’t get confused: When we talk about “attachment” as an uncontrolled “poison” or “fire,” we are not referring to genuine acceptance and love, which is unselfish and not codependent.
POISON THREE: AVERSION
Aversion is another word for dislike. John’s girlfriend left him for a close friend; he really dislikes them both. Dick’s landlord keeps raising his rent; Dick really dislikes greedy people. Most frequently we form aversions, or dislikes, in response to frustrated attachments. Meryl feels anxious and insecure when she is alone; she hates feeling that way. We don’t like it when we don’t get what we want; we don’t like unpleasant experiences. When dislike is reinforced, it often escalates to anger, hate, and enmity.
The Three Poisons usually work together to create pain in this fashion: Because we are ignorant of the truth, we think we can be made happy by fulfilling our attachments to a specific person, place, thing, feeling. Inevitably we are disappointed, and then aversion, dislike, or even hatred rears its ugly head.
This tragic cycle plays itself out in myriad ways, from the mundane to the cataclysmic. When you go to the supermarket attached to the notion that you will buy a pound of ripe peaches, and the only peaches you can find are green, and you become visibly annoyed, you are allowing the three poisons to perpetuate negative cycles in your life. Simple lovers’ quarrels or escalated physical confrontations reflect this cycle, as do border disputes and gunfire between nations.
I think it helps to add another ingredient, or “poison,” to this frustrating group of kleshas: resistance to change. As every psychologist (and physicist) knows, we all have a tendency to resist change, particularly in those areas where we most need transformation. Freud was