Ayala's Angel [119]
of past possibilities?"
"I would -- if it were possible."
"Quite impossible! One's thoughts, I imagine, are always supposed to be one's own."
"You know what I mean. A gentleman will always spare a woman if he can do so; and there are cases such as have been ours, in which it is a most imperative duty to do so. You should not have followed us when you had made up your mind about this young lady."
"I took care to let you know, beforehand, that I intended it." "You should not have thrown the weight upon me. You should not even have written to me."
"I wonder what you would have said then -- how loudly you would have abused me -- had I not written! Would you not have told me then that I had not the courage to be open with you?" He paused for an answer, but she made none. "But I do recognize the necessity of my becoming subject to abuse in this state of affairs. I have been in no respect false, nor in any way wanting in affection. When I suggested to you that 600 pounds a year between us, with an increasing family, and lodgings in Marylebone, would be uncomfortable, you shuddered at the prospect. When I explained to you that you would have the worst of it because my club would be open to me, you were almost angry with me because I seemed to imply that there could be any other than one decision."
"There could only be one decision -- unless you were man enough to earn your bread."
"But I wasn't. But I ain't. You might as well let that accident pass, sans dire. Was there ever a moment in which you thought that I should earn my bread?"
"Never for a moment did I endow you with the power of doing anything so manly."
"Then why throw it in my teeth now? That is not fair. However, I do own that I have to be abused. I don't see any way in which you and I are to part without it. But you need not descend to Billingsgate."
"I have not descended to Billingsgate, Mr Houston."
"Upper-world Billingsgate! Cowardice, as an accusation from a woman to a man, is upper-world Billingsgate. But it doesn't matter. Of course I know what it means. Do you think your brother wants me to go away at once?"
"At once," she said.
"That would be disagreeable and absurd. You mean to sit to me for that head?"
"Certainly not."
"I cannot in the least understand why not. What has a question of art to do with marriage or giving in marriage? And why should Mrs Docimer be so angry with me, when she has known the truth all along?"
"There are questions which it is of no avail to answer. I have come out with you now because I thought it well that we should have a final opportunity of understanding each other. You understand me at any rate."
"Perfectly," he said. "You have taken especial care on this occasion to make yourself intelligible."
"So I intended. And as you do understand me, and know how far I am from approving your philosophy, you can hardly wish to remain with us longer." Then they walked on together in absolute silence for above a mile. They had come out of the wood, and were descending, by a steep and narrow path, to the village in which stood the hotel at which the party was staying. Another ten minutes would take them down to the high road. The path here ran by the side of a rivulet, the course of which was so steep that the waters made their way down in a succession of little cataracts. From the other side of the path was a fence, so close to it, that on this particular spot there was room only for one to walk. Here Frank Houston stepped in front of his companion, so as to stop her. "Imogene," he said, "if it is intended that I am to start by the diligence for Innsbruck this evening, you had better bid me farewell at once."
"I have bidden you farewell," she said.
"Then you have done it in so bitter a mood that you had better try your hand at it again. Heaven only knows in what manner you or I may meet again."
"What does it matter?" she asked.
"I have always felt that the hearts of men are softer than the hearts of women. A woman's hand is soft, but she can steel her heart
"I would -- if it were possible."
"Quite impossible! One's thoughts, I imagine, are always supposed to be one's own."
"You know what I mean. A gentleman will always spare a woman if he can do so; and there are cases such as have been ours, in which it is a most imperative duty to do so. You should not have followed us when you had made up your mind about this young lady."
"I took care to let you know, beforehand, that I intended it." "You should not have thrown the weight upon me. You should not even have written to me."
"I wonder what you would have said then -- how loudly you would have abused me -- had I not written! Would you not have told me then that I had not the courage to be open with you?" He paused for an answer, but she made none. "But I do recognize the necessity of my becoming subject to abuse in this state of affairs. I have been in no respect false, nor in any way wanting in affection. When I suggested to you that 600 pounds a year between us, with an increasing family, and lodgings in Marylebone, would be uncomfortable, you shuddered at the prospect. When I explained to you that you would have the worst of it because my club would be open to me, you were almost angry with me because I seemed to imply that there could be any other than one decision."
"There could only be one decision -- unless you were man enough to earn your bread."
"But I wasn't. But I ain't. You might as well let that accident pass, sans dire. Was there ever a moment in which you thought that I should earn my bread?"
"Never for a moment did I endow you with the power of doing anything so manly."
"Then why throw it in my teeth now? That is not fair. However, I do own that I have to be abused. I don't see any way in which you and I are to part without it. But you need not descend to Billingsgate."
"I have not descended to Billingsgate, Mr Houston."
"Upper-world Billingsgate! Cowardice, as an accusation from a woman to a man, is upper-world Billingsgate. But it doesn't matter. Of course I know what it means. Do you think your brother wants me to go away at once?"
"At once," she said.
"That would be disagreeable and absurd. You mean to sit to me for that head?"
"Certainly not."
"I cannot in the least understand why not. What has a question of art to do with marriage or giving in marriage? And why should Mrs Docimer be so angry with me, when she has known the truth all along?"
"There are questions which it is of no avail to answer. I have come out with you now because I thought it well that we should have a final opportunity of understanding each other. You understand me at any rate."
"Perfectly," he said. "You have taken especial care on this occasion to make yourself intelligible."
"So I intended. And as you do understand me, and know how far I am from approving your philosophy, you can hardly wish to remain with us longer." Then they walked on together in absolute silence for above a mile. They had come out of the wood, and were descending, by a steep and narrow path, to the village in which stood the hotel at which the party was staying. Another ten minutes would take them down to the high road. The path here ran by the side of a rivulet, the course of which was so steep that the waters made their way down in a succession of little cataracts. From the other side of the path was a fence, so close to it, that on this particular spot there was room only for one to walk. Here Frank Houston stepped in front of his companion, so as to stop her. "Imogene," he said, "if it is intended that I am to start by the diligence for Innsbruck this evening, you had better bid me farewell at once."
"I have bidden you farewell," she said.
"Then you have done it in so bitter a mood that you had better try your hand at it again. Heaven only knows in what manner you or I may meet again."
"What does it matter?" she asked.
"I have always felt that the hearts of men are softer than the hearts of women. A woman's hand is soft, but she can steel her heart