Ayala's Angel [227]
think that young ladies have the same right of changing their minds and rushing about as men assume. Young ladies ought to be more steady. Where am I to get another young lady at a moment's notice to play lawn tennis with Mr Greene? Compose yourself and stay where you are like a good girl."
"What will Sir Harry say?"
"Sir Harry will probably go on talking about the Stillborough fox and quarrelling with that odious Captain Glomax. That is, if you remain here. If you go all of a sudden, he will perhaps hint -- "
"Hint what, Lady Albury?"
"Never mind. He shall make no hints if you are a good girl." Nothing was said at the moment about the Colonel -- nothing further than the little allusion made above. Then there came the lawn tennis, and Ayala regained something of her spirits as she contrived with the assistance of Sir Harry to beat Nina and the curate. But on the following day Lady Albury spoke out more plainly. "It was because of Colonel Stubbs that you said that you would go away."
Ayala paused for a moment, and then answered stoutly, "Yes, it was because of Colonel Stubbs."
"And why?"
Ayala paused again and the stoutness almost deserted her. "Because -- "
"Well, my dear?"
"I don't think I ought to be asked," said Ayala.
"Well, you shall not be asked. I will not be cruel to you. But do you not know that if I ask anything it is with a view to your own good?"
"Oh, yes," said Ayala.
"But though I may not ask I suppose I may speak." To this Ayala made no reply, either assenting or dissenting. "You know, do you note that I and Colonel Stubbs love each other like brother and sister -- more dearly than many brothers and sisters?"
"I suppose so."
"And that therefore he tells me everything. He told me what took place in the wood -- and because of that he has gone away."
"Of course you are angry with me -- because he has gone away." "I am sorry that he has gone -- because of the cause of it. I always wish that he should have everything that he desires; and now I wish that he should have this thing because he desires it above all other things." Does he desire it above all other things? -- thought Ayala to herself. And, if it be really so, cannot I now tell her that he shall have it? Cannot I say that I too long to get it quite as eagerly as he long to have it? The suggestion rushed quickly to her mind; but the answer to it came as quickly. No -- she would not do so. No offer of the kind would come from her. By what she had said must she abide -- unless, indeed, he should come to her again. "But why should you go, Ayala, because he has gone? Why should you say aloud that you had come here to listen to his offer, and that you had gone away as soon as you had resolved that, for this reason or that, it was not satisfactory to you?"
"Oh, Lady Albury."
"That would be the conclusion drawn. Remain here with us, and see if you can like us well enough to be one of us."
"Dear Lady Albury, I do love you dearly."
"What he may do I cannot say. Whether he may bring himself to try once again I do not know -- nor will I ask you whether there might possibly be any other answer were he to do so."
"No!" said Ayala, driven by a sudden fit of obstinacy which she could not control.
"I ask no questions about it, but I am sure it will be better for you to remain here for a few weeks. We will make you happy if we can, and you can learn to think over what has passed without emotion." Thus it was decided that Ayala should prolong her visit into the middle of March. She could not understand her own conduct when she again found herself alone. Why had she ejaculated that sudden "No," when Lady Albury had suggested to her the possibility of changing her purpose? She knew that she would fain change it if it were possible; and yet when the idea was presented to her she replied with a sudden denial of its possibility. But still there was hope, even though the hope was faint. "Whether he may bring himself to try again I do not know." So it was that Lady Albury had spoken of him, and
"What will Sir Harry say?"
"Sir Harry will probably go on talking about the Stillborough fox and quarrelling with that odious Captain Glomax. That is, if you remain here. If you go all of a sudden, he will perhaps hint -- "
"Hint what, Lady Albury?"
"Never mind. He shall make no hints if you are a good girl." Nothing was said at the moment about the Colonel -- nothing further than the little allusion made above. Then there came the lawn tennis, and Ayala regained something of her spirits as she contrived with the assistance of Sir Harry to beat Nina and the curate. But on the following day Lady Albury spoke out more plainly. "It was because of Colonel Stubbs that you said that you would go away."
Ayala paused for a moment, and then answered stoutly, "Yes, it was because of Colonel Stubbs."
"And why?"
Ayala paused again and the stoutness almost deserted her. "Because -- "
"Well, my dear?"
"I don't think I ought to be asked," said Ayala.
"Well, you shall not be asked. I will not be cruel to you. But do you not know that if I ask anything it is with a view to your own good?"
"Oh, yes," said Ayala.
"But though I may not ask I suppose I may speak." To this Ayala made no reply, either assenting or dissenting. "You know, do you note that I and Colonel Stubbs love each other like brother and sister -- more dearly than many brothers and sisters?"
"I suppose so."
"And that therefore he tells me everything. He told me what took place in the wood -- and because of that he has gone away."
"Of course you are angry with me -- because he has gone away." "I am sorry that he has gone -- because of the cause of it. I always wish that he should have everything that he desires; and now I wish that he should have this thing because he desires it above all other things." Does he desire it above all other things? -- thought Ayala to herself. And, if it be really so, cannot I now tell her that he shall have it? Cannot I say that I too long to get it quite as eagerly as he long to have it? The suggestion rushed quickly to her mind; but the answer to it came as quickly. No -- she would not do so. No offer of the kind would come from her. By what she had said must she abide -- unless, indeed, he should come to her again. "But why should you go, Ayala, because he has gone? Why should you say aloud that you had come here to listen to his offer, and that you had gone away as soon as you had resolved that, for this reason or that, it was not satisfactory to you?"
"Oh, Lady Albury."
"That would be the conclusion drawn. Remain here with us, and see if you can like us well enough to be one of us."
"Dear Lady Albury, I do love you dearly."
"What he may do I cannot say. Whether he may bring himself to try once again I do not know -- nor will I ask you whether there might possibly be any other answer were he to do so."
"No!" said Ayala, driven by a sudden fit of obstinacy which she could not control.
"I ask no questions about it, but I am sure it will be better for you to remain here for a few weeks. We will make you happy if we can, and you can learn to think over what has passed without emotion." Thus it was decided that Ayala should prolong her visit into the middle of March. She could not understand her own conduct when she again found herself alone. Why had she ejaculated that sudden "No," when Lady Albury had suggested to her the possibility of changing her purpose? She knew that she would fain change it if it were possible; and yet when the idea was presented to her she replied with a sudden denial of its possibility. But still there was hope, even though the hope was faint. "Whether he may bring himself to try again I do not know." So it was that Lady Albury had spoken of him, and