Ayala's Angel [285]
bounds of propriety that the Colonel should sleep at Stalham on the Monday, under the same roof with his bride; but on the Tuesday it was arranged that he should satisfy the decorous feeling of the neighbourhood by removing himself to the parsonage, which was distant about half a mile across the park, and was contiguous to the church. Here lived Mr Greene, the bachelor curate, the rector of the parish being an invalid and absent in Italy.
"I don't see why he is to be sent away after dinner to walk across the park in the dark," said Ayala, when the matter was discussed before the Colonel's coming.
"It is a law, my dear," said Lady Albury, "and has to be obeyed whether you understand it or not like other laws. Mr Greene will be with him, so that no one shall run away with him in the dark. Then he will be able to go into church without dirtying his dress boots."
"But I thought there would be half a dozen carriages at least." "But there won't be room in one of them for him. He is to be nobody until he comes forth from the church as your husband. Then he is to be everybody. That is the very theory of marriage." "I think we managed it all very well between us," said Lady Albury afterwards, "but you really cannot guess the trouble we took." "Why should there have been trouble?"
"Because you were such a perverse creature, as the old lady said. I am not sure that you were not right, because a girl does so often raise herself in her lover's estimation by refusing him half a dozen times. But you were not up to that."
"Indeed I was not. I am sure I did not intend to give any trouble to anybody."
"But you did. Only think of my going up to London to meet him, and of him coming from Aldershot to meet me, simply that we might put our heads together how to overcome the perversity of such a young woman as you!" There then came a look almost of pain on Ayala's brow. "But I do believe it was for the best. In this way he came to understand how absolutely necessary you were to him."
"Am I necessary to him?"
"He thinks so."
"Oh, if I can only be necessary to him always! But there should have been no going up to London. I should have rushed into his arms at once."
"That would have been unusual."
"But so is he unusual," said Ayala.
It is probable that the Colonel did not enjoy his days at Stalham before his marriage, except during the hour or two in which he was allowed to take Ayala out for a last walk. Such days can hardly be agreeable to the man of whom it is known by all around him that he is on the eve of committing matrimony. There is always, on such occasions, a feeling of weakness, as though the man had been subdued, brought at length into a cage and tamed, so as to be made fit for domestic purposes, and deprived of his ancient freedom amongst the woods; whereas the girl feels herself to be the triumphant conqueror, who has successfully performed this great act of taming. Such being the case, the man had perhaps better keep away till he is forced to appear at the church door. Nevertheless our Colonel did enjoy his last walk. "Oh, yes," she said, "of course we will go to the old wood. Where else? I am so glad that poor fox went through Gobblegoose -- otherwise we should never have gone there, and then who knows whether you and I would ever have been friends again any more?"
"If one wood hadn't been there, I think another would have been found."
"Ah, that's just it. You can know that you had a purpose, and perhaps were determined to carry it out."
"Well, rather."
"But I couldn't be sure of that. I couldn't carry out my purpose, even if I had one. I had to doubt, and to be unhappy, and to hate myself, because I had been perverse. I declare, I do think you men have so much the best of it. How glorious would it have been to be able to walk straight up and say, Jonathan Stubbs, I love you better than all the world. Will you be my husband?" "But suppose the Jonathan Stubbs of the occasion were to decline the honour. Where would you be then?"
"That would be disagreeable," said Ayala.
"I don't see why he is to be sent away after dinner to walk across the park in the dark," said Ayala, when the matter was discussed before the Colonel's coming.
"It is a law, my dear," said Lady Albury, "and has to be obeyed whether you understand it or not like other laws. Mr Greene will be with him, so that no one shall run away with him in the dark. Then he will be able to go into church without dirtying his dress boots."
"But I thought there would be half a dozen carriages at least." "But there won't be room in one of them for him. He is to be nobody until he comes forth from the church as your husband. Then he is to be everybody. That is the very theory of marriage." "I think we managed it all very well between us," said Lady Albury afterwards, "but you really cannot guess the trouble we took." "Why should there have been trouble?"
"Because you were such a perverse creature, as the old lady said. I am not sure that you were not right, because a girl does so often raise herself in her lover's estimation by refusing him half a dozen times. But you were not up to that."
"Indeed I was not. I am sure I did not intend to give any trouble to anybody."
"But you did. Only think of my going up to London to meet him, and of him coming from Aldershot to meet me, simply that we might put our heads together how to overcome the perversity of such a young woman as you!" There then came a look almost of pain on Ayala's brow. "But I do believe it was for the best. In this way he came to understand how absolutely necessary you were to him."
"Am I necessary to him?"
"He thinks so."
"Oh, if I can only be necessary to him always! But there should have been no going up to London. I should have rushed into his arms at once."
"That would have been unusual."
"But so is he unusual," said Ayala.
It is probable that the Colonel did not enjoy his days at Stalham before his marriage, except during the hour or two in which he was allowed to take Ayala out for a last walk. Such days can hardly be agreeable to the man of whom it is known by all around him that he is on the eve of committing matrimony. There is always, on such occasions, a feeling of weakness, as though the man had been subdued, brought at length into a cage and tamed, so as to be made fit for domestic purposes, and deprived of his ancient freedom amongst the woods; whereas the girl feels herself to be the triumphant conqueror, who has successfully performed this great act of taming. Such being the case, the man had perhaps better keep away till he is forced to appear at the church door. Nevertheless our Colonel did enjoy his last walk. "Oh, yes," she said, "of course we will go to the old wood. Where else? I am so glad that poor fox went through Gobblegoose -- otherwise we should never have gone there, and then who knows whether you and I would ever have been friends again any more?"
"If one wood hadn't been there, I think another would have been found."
"Ah, that's just it. You can know that you had a purpose, and perhaps were determined to carry it out."
"Well, rather."
"But I couldn't be sure of that. I couldn't carry out my purpose, even if I had one. I had to doubt, and to be unhappy, and to hate myself, because I had been perverse. I declare, I do think you men have so much the best of it. How glorious would it have been to be able to walk straight up and say, Jonathan Stubbs, I love you better than all the world. Will you be my husband?" "But suppose the Jonathan Stubbs of the occasion were to decline the honour. Where would you be then?"
"That would be disagreeable," said Ayala.