Ayn Rand and the World She Made - Anne C. Heller [305]
turned pale and looked downcast: JD, p. 156; TPOAR, p. 259.
We don’t hold our values”: JD, p. 155.
“No! I won’t be part of this”: TPOAR, p. 259.
only wanted to spend a little time together: JD, p. 157.
“With Ayn’s mind”: “Passions: A Disciple Confronts Ayn Rand’s Power,” p. 1.
series of conversations with their spouses: TPOAR, p. 259.
“You both know how little I’ve had”: JD, p. 159.
“What we’re asking for is temporary”: JD, p. 160.
“the epitome and standard of the human potential”: “Passions: A Disciple Confronts Ayn Rand’s Power,” p. 1.
approved of the affair: TPOARC, pp. 135–41.
“arouses his sexual desire”: August 28, 1949 (JOAR, p. 605).
“On the right philosophical premise about sex”: October 6, 1949 (JOAR, p. 609; italics added).
swore everyone to silence: TPOAR, p. 272.
“involve all four of us in a life of deception”: “It’s a Dirty Job, But …”
“an old woman pursuing a younger man”: TPOAR, p. 260.
“If the four of us were of lesser stature”: JD, p. 160.
“I’m amused that you condemned”: “Home Atmosphere.”
“Ayn frightened most people”:JD, pp. 158–61.
drafted the first line of the speech: The opening page of “This Is John Galt Speaking” is dated July 4, 1953 (Ayn Rand Papers, LOC, box 11, folder 3).
allotted roughly three months to its completion: TPOAR, p. 266.
260 “I swear by my life”: AS, pp. 670, 979.
“a dramatized summation of the Objectivist ethics”: “The Playboy Interview: Ayn Rand,” p. 38.
“Just as there are no contradictions”: AS, pp. 939–40.
It was while working on this famous section: Author interview with BB, July 1, 2008.
“drops-of-water-in-a-desert kind of torture”: TPOAR, p. 267.
her favorite nightgown: Facets of Ayn Rand, p. 34.
for thirty-three days: WIAR, p. 226.
seeing no one but her husband: JD, p. 177.
nagged at O’Connor: MYWAR, pp. 169, 189.
pushed her to the limits of her endurance: TPOAR, p. 267.
tendencies became more marked: TPOAR, pp. 267–70.
“You are my reward for everything”: Author interview with NB, December 11, 2008.
“A mind”: JD, p. 163.
both Barbara and Frank: MYWAR, pp. 168–69.
felt both too large and too small: JD, p. 218.
“Do you think only of yourself?”: TPOAR, p. 277.
“Why should I be victimized?”: JD, pp. 167–168.
What’s the matter with you?: “It’s a Dirty Job, But …”
“Repression”: Ayn Rand, The New Left: The Anti-Industrial Revolution (New York: Signet, 1971), p. 62.
“She became more than a stranger”: MYWAR, p. 169.
She often phoned him: “It’s a Dirty Job, But …”
“emotionalist”: TPOAR, p. 272.
“You cannot imagine what a nightmare”: R. W. Bradford, “Ayn Rand and Her Movement: An Interview with Barbara Branden,” Liberty, January 1990, pp. 7–8.
anxiety as a crisis of self-esteem: NB, The Psychology of Self-Esteem (Los Angeles, Nash Publishing, 1969), pp. 160–65.
considered turning the theory into a book: MYWAR, p. 147.
began to offer therapy: NB recalled that he charged five dollars an hour, beginning in the spring of 1955 (JD, p. 169).
assertion that has been bitterly disputed: TPOAR, p. 272, and JD, p. 166; TPOARC, p. 142. Because of its implications for the cruel effect of the affair on FO, the extent of his drinking has been a subject of controversy. The Brandens present evidence that FO drank alcoholically. AR’s executor, LP, and other acquaintances dispute this. My research suggests that, at least toward the end of his life, FO drank heavily and secretly.
“I confused loneliness”: Speech by NB, New York City, June 22, 1989; courtesy of Liberty Audio and Film Service, 2214 Hey Road, Richmond, VA 23224.
“This affair is sexual”: JD, p. 217.
“Where have you gone to?”: MYWAR, p. 142.
he told himself: JD, p. 163.
“I never did, until things started showing at the seams”: Author interview with JMB and Allan Blumenthal, March 23, 2004.
“Ayn wasn’t very clean”: Taped interview with Barbara Weiss, AR’s secretary from the early 1960s until the late 1970s, conducted by BB, September 25, 1983.
264 “In a world that was hurtling toward collectivism”: Author interview with Al Ramrus, March 5, 2007.
“as though I were entering