Becoming Madame Mao - Anchee Min [26]
At the moment what friends say about Tang Nah impresses me. I never consider that Tang Nah's passion could be negative, or even harmful. Tang Nah's friends won't ever have to live with him so they don't know. I will discover that Tang Nah can't tell movies from reality and that he doesn't want to. But he is extraordinarily kind to his friends. He has done reviews for Junli's films and volunteers to be Junli's publicist.
I am not certain what Tang Nah tells Junli about me. Tang Nah says that it's a secret. Man to man. I am sure he tells Junli his opinion of me. And I am sure Junli has seen A Doll's House. But Junli never voices his impression of me. It seems that he is not sure about me or about Tang Nah's relationship with me. He observes and studies us like characters in his films. He probably thinks that I come on too strong with Tang Nah. He might have doubts about Tang Nah too. As a best friend he must know Tang Nah's way with women. He must have sensed that we will end up badly. But Junli never gives me any advice or warning. He cares about Tang Nah too much to betray him.
However, I sense it. The way things clicked between me and Zhang Min does not happen between me and Junli. It is a great pity. I can't force a director's affection. If I weren't Tang Nah's girlfriend, Junli might be able to look at me in a different light. But Tang Nah didn't make that possible. I couldn't meet Junli as anything else but Tang Nah's latest woman—the damage was already done.
Still, I continue to hope that with Tang Nah's help Junli will offer me a role in one of his movies. Or he can refer me as a talented actress to his colleagues. I am anxious to get my career going again. I am twenty-one years old already.
Tang Nah says, I am twenty-five years old. And I think enjoying life is more important than anything else.
But my question is, How can one enjoy life at its fullest when one is not doing what one wants to do?
Tang Nah believes that Lan Ping can be better than she is. He is confident about transforming her. He thinks that she can be a goddess.
Tang Nah tells Lan Ping the meaning of being a modern woman. It is her pursuit of culture. This is the difference between Shanghainese and other Chinese in general. This is where the Shanghai women's self-confidence and elegance come from.
Compared to the inlanders, Shanghainese have a much more balanced attitude toward life. For example, they admire the foreigners' culture but never fawn on them. Tang Nah points out to Lan Ping and asks her to observe that even the rickshawmen, the lowest class in Shanghai, are able to toss phrases of English into their dialect. It is the smoke that makes the ham tasty. See what I mean, Miss Lan Ping?
He leads and she follows. He teaches Lan Ping to read the English version of A Doll's House. Since she already knows the translation he thinks that this will make it easier and more interesting for her. She repeats after him. But she can't get rid of her accent. She has this Shan-dong tongue. Stiff. Tang Nah tries his best but she still pronounces X as ai-co-sib and V as wei. Tang Nah gets frustrated. He tries every way. She thinks he is very cute. He begs her to be serious. She tells him that he is teaching a dog to catch a mouse.
Every night she goes to his place to study English. He lives in a two-room apartment in a nice neighborhood. He is a neat fellow and grows plants by his windows. There is calligraphy in his room, all gifts from well-known masters. She is bored after a few lines and he kisses her and begs her to endure a little longer. She plays with him like a naughty girl. He loses his focus and quits. He gives her a spelling test. It always begins with L-O-V-E.