Becoming Madame Mao - Anchee Min [73]
She feels lonely so she walks to the guard and greets him.
Have you heard from your family? she asks the nineteen-year-old.
The man replies that he doesn't have a family.
How so?
My uncle was an underground Communist. Chiang Kai-shek massacred my family for helping him escape.
Do you like working for the Chairman? Will you be loyal to him?
Yes, Madame. The young man lowers his head and looks at his own shadow under the bright moonlight.
Do you hear anything at night? She clears her throat.
Well, a ... a little.
Like what?
N ... Noises.
Suddenly she feels sorry for him. The man who has never in his life tasted the sweetness of a woman. It is not allowed. It is the rule—soldiers are the monks of Mao's temple.
What kind of noises? she asks, almost teasing. Like a noise from an owl? A field rat? Or wind?
The young man becomes tongue-tied and turns away from her.
She gently calls him by name and makes him look back at her.
I don't like myself, Little Dragon says suddenly.
She feels a strange tension rise between them. She finds herself out of words.
Little Dragon swallows a mouthful of saliva.
After a while she asks, Would you like me to ask the Chairman to transfer you?
No, please, Madame. I'd like to serve the Chairman for the rest of my life.
Of course, she murmurs. I understand. And the Chairman needs you too.
The young man stands against the wall, his breath hardens. He is confused by his own reaction toward the woman. The mysterious power clothed under his uniform. She can see sweat glistening on his forehead. He looks intimidated, fraught and defeated. He reminds her of a young gorilla in frustration, the male who is given no chance to win female trophies, the male whose semen is deposited in the dustbin of history. Little Dragon's manhood is chewed up by the bigger, more brawny, aggressive and formidable gorilla, Mao.
December 1947. Mao finally exhausts Chiang Kai-shek's troops. Before the New Year Mao launches a full-scale counterattack. The Red Army soldiers shout as they charge forward: For Mao Tse-tung and New China! It doesn't take long for Mao to swallow his enemy completely. As spring turns into summer, the number of Mao's forces draws even with those of Chiang Kai-shek.
Chiang's loss starts to settle in. Mao changes the title of his army from the Red Army to the People's Liberation Army.
I have become the manager of Mao's makeshift office. And have sent Nah and her siblings away to live with villagers. I will miss them terribly but the war has reached its crucial moment. My husband sets up his headquarters once again in our bedroom. I have been sleeping in mule barns. I am bitten by mosquitoes, fleas and lice. One bite under my chin swells so much that it sticks out like a second chin.
To avoid Chiang Kai-shek's air raids, my husband orders the troops to travel after sundown. Long hours of working and lack of nutrition have taken their toll on me. I become sick and can hardly walk. When we advance Mao picks me up to ride with him on the only mule the army has left. Our relationship grows in a strange direction. It has been a long time since we showed affection to one another. The more territories he wins the more I am tormented. Despite all that I have done, all that I have suffered, I have been denied recognition. My nature refuses to live an invisible life. I demand acknowledgment and respect—but I get it from no one.
One day the dog-faced journalist Old Fish comes into my office with an urgent matter. Mao is in the inner room on the phone with Vice Chairman Liu.
I am in charge of the office, I say to Old Fish. But the man pretends that he doesn't hear me. So I try again. I ask if I may help him. He gives a smile but doesn't say anything else. He doesn't let me take care of Mao's business.
It is only my most recent insult. At a Politburo meeting