Bedford Square - Anne Perry [84]
Suddenly his face paled, tightening with pain. “God! What am I saying? I know no more of the man than rumor, the gossip that passes in the club, snatches overheard. That’s exactly what is going to happen to all of us.” He walked unsteadily over to one of the large leather chairs and sat down heavily. “What hope have we?”
She sat down opposite him. “It is not quite the same as Mr. Gordon-Cumming,” she said quietly but very firmly. “There is no question that they were playing baccarat. No one denies that. And Mr. Gordon-Cumming’s reputation prior to this is such that there are many who do not find it difficult to believe that he would cheat. Seemingly there have been doubts before. Has anyone ever made so much as a whisper that you could have panicked on the battlefield?”
“No” He lifted his head a little. He smiled very slightly.
“That is some comfort, but there will still be many only too happy to assume the worst. I never heard any question of Stanley’s honor or integrity before, and yet look at the newspapers. I doubt he will be able to sue for libel, it is so subtly worded, and what could he prove? Even if he did, what could he win back that would be a quarter the value of the reputation he has lost? Money answers so very little where love or honor are concerned.”
It was true, and to argue with him would be not only pointless but offensive.
“No value, except punitive,” she agreed. “And I suppose a court case would only give people the opportunity to throw more accusations. And all the charges are so cleverly chosen that one cannot prove they are untrue. He has obviously thought of that.” She leaned forward, the sun catching the corner of her sleeve in vivid gold. “But we must not give up trying. There must be someone still left alive from the ambush in Abyssinia who can remember what happened and whose testimony would be believed. We must just keep searching for them.”
There was no hope in his face. He tried to compose himself to some kind of resolution, but it was automatic, without heart.
“Of course. I have been thinking who else I might approach.” He gave a half smile. “One of the ugliest aspects of all this is that one begins to suspect everyone of being involved. I try hard not to wonder who it is, but when I am awake at night thoughts come into my mind unbidden.” His mouth tightened. “I determine not to entertain them, but the hours go by and I find I have done. I can no longer think of anyone without suspicion. People whose decency and whose friendship I had never questioned before suddenly become strangers whose every motive I look at again. My whole life has changed, because I see it differently. I question everything good … might it really conceal deceit and secret betrayal?” He looked at her with undisguised anguish. “And in thoughts like that I am betraying all that I am myself, all that I want to be, and thought I was.” His voice dropped. “Perhaps that is the worst thing that he is doing to me … showing me something in myself I had not known was there.”
She understood what he meant; she could see it in him too clearly, isolated, frightened, and alone, so vulnerable, all the certainties he had built over the years dissolving in a space of days.
“It is not you,” she said gently, putting out her hand and laying it not on his hand, but on his arm, on the fabric of his coat. “It is just being human. Any of us might be there; the only difference is that most of us don’t know that, and we cannot imagine it when it is outside our experience. Some things no imagining can reach.”
He sat silently for a few moments. He looked up at her once, and there was warmth in his eyes, a tenderness she was not certain how to interpret. Then the instant passed, and he drew in his breath.
“I have other people in mind whom I could ask about the Abyssinian Campaign,” he said in a studiously casual voice. “And I must go to my club for luncheon.” He could not hide the sudden tension about his eyes and lips. “I should greatly prefer not to, but I have obligations I cannot avoid … I won’t. I will not allow this to make me break