Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [31]
To those who had to deal with me during that time, I’m sorry. And thank you for standing by me.
On the flip side, a lot of celebrities claim they are doing everything for their baby but then dump their baby with the nanny. No one knows what happens behind closed doors. I see a lot of these Hollywood moms out till two A.M. or going out to dinners five nights a week or traveling around the world without their kid. In the tabloids, you see them strawberry picking, shopping, lunching during the day—everything is great! Am I to believe they installed the car seats all by themselves on their own? That they got up at 6:40 A.M. and made their kid breakfast? Put them down for a nap at one P.M.? Brushed their teeth? All the while still having time for their Brazilian bikini wax, facial, hair-straightening appointment, and Pilates? Doubtful. I couldn’t do that. My goal has always been to avoid that. If being a mess and having all of my problems meant I finally got this whole mommyhood thing, then it was well worth it. I had a devoted and very involved husband, an assistant, and sometimes a nanny. But even with all of that, having a newborn turned me into a disaster. Anyone who emerges three months after a baby with clear skin, six-pack abs, and a smile is cheating you. It’s just not reality.
Now I’m okay and I can leave baby Hank with the nanny every now and then. I still don’t like to, but I will if I need to. I learned my lesson, and when I started to shoot my show when we moved to Philly with baby Hank, I knew I needed to bring in a nanny. I just couldn’t get everything done while taking care of the baby. Filming a show, being a wife, getting the new place together in a new city—it’s a lot! I needed help. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help, just make sure it’s good help! So that’s when we brought in Genie again. I paid her to come to Philly, live in the hotel, and take care of baby Hank whenever I needed. We were paying her just in case because I didn’t feel comfortable hiring a random person in a strange new town. I knew myself and I needed someone to rely on. I didn’t care how much money it took. But I needed that freedom to travel or go to work for a night. She was basically my security blanket.
I couldn’t have wished for a better nanny, but it was still hard for me. I wasn’t too nice when it came to just handing him to her. For instance, if she put him in an outfit I didn’t like I would get mad and say things like, “I’m firing the bitch.” Deep down I knew I needed her. Looking back I know that was just my insecurity and that she was a great nanny. She could handle me so she stuck around. I could handle her so I kept her around. It was a unique relationship, an understanding, and it worked for us.
A few months later in the off-season when we moved back to L.A., I couldn’t see hiring another nanny, so again, I paid her expenses to come out and live with us, on top of her salary.
But the longer she stayed, the deeper my jealousy grew. My boiling point happened once when Genie was leaving through the front door and I saw baby Hank running after her. So I had to let her go. Even though she was the best nanny I could have ever imagined, I couldn’t handle the close relationship she had with my son. I stupidly couldn’t handle the attention my son gave her. At the time, I thought it was the best decision and felt like I finally had some control. But the good feelings were short-lived.
I gave her two weeks’ notice. I said, “You can stay with us and work or I will pay you if you want to leave now.” I didn’t want to keep dragging her around the country and pay her to live and work when ultimately I was too afraid to let her do anything. It was a waste of money. We still keep in touch with her, and who knows, maybe one day when Hank’s playing in another city we may need the help. Never ever let good child care slip away!
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