Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [37]
After pregnancy I knew I was going to have to consider dieting, something I never in my life had really done. The first few weeks of postpartum I still ate like I was pregnant. But I knew better. I don’t see eating healthy as a diet, I see it as something normal I just do. Before pregnancy I ate healthy, I worked out, and I had a great body, but I could eat whatever I wanted. I knew those days were over. But I must say now I look at pictures from before pregnancy and I think I look too skinny! I like my body thicker and more muscular. I would always ask some of my black friends how they got their butts and thighs. And they would say to me, “Eat fried chicken and corn bread and sweet potato, then you’ll get a bigger butt!” So I tried that, but only my stomach got bigger. But now after pregnancy I’m happy (and obsessed) with my bigger butt and thighs. I finally have the body I’ve always wanted.
Steak and fries for Hank! So we hadn’t started our diets just yet.
I was never ashamed of my body during pregnancy. In the beginning it looked like I was gaining all of this weight because there was no belly, so people just assumed I was fat, and I didn’t enjoy that. During our honeymoon I was about four months pregnant and sad about getting into a bathing suit because I looked fat, not pregnant. It’s especially disheartening when one of the things you are most known for is your body. I’d rather have people say, “Oh, she’s pregnant,” instead of, “Oh, she’s fat.” As long as they had the right information, it didn’t bother me. But at first, it takes some getting used to. No one wants to be called fat. So that was the reason I actually told people I was pregnant. I didn’t want them to think I had just put on some extra weight!
But overall I actually felt sexier when I was pregnant than when I wasn’t pregnant! My skin was glowing, my hair was thicker, my lips looked fuller, and my cheeks were pink. It was a fuller, sexier look, and I embraced it. I was rocking it! Even though I wasn’t eating great, I stayed fit by working out and swimming.
My diet was supposed to take a drastic turn for the better after birth and I tried to mentally prepare myself for it. The instant the baby came out of me I looked at him and thought, “This is the love of my life; I need to be healthy. I love you more than I love Dunkaroos. My diet will change right now.” Let me tell you though, it’s easier to think about than to do. I did love baby Hank more than Dunkaroos, but I convinced myself that I could love the both of them! My body was still craving the sugar and the fat it had been given for the past nine months; it wasn’t like I could just stop. I was flat-out addicted to the stuff. I tried to mentally fight the cravings but I was also battling insomnia, depression, anger, and the overall lifestyle of being a new mom, so the last thing I had energy for was fighting cravings. It’s a lot easier to just give in.
Before I got the six-week clearance from my doctor that I could exercise, I was just a blob. My arms lost their shape and got bigger. In fact, I felt bloated and bigger all over. I hated my body immediately after birth. I couldn’t work out, my blood wasn’t flowing, I was uncomfortable in my own skin and still felt depressed. I ate a ton of bad food, and I generally started to put on even more weight. I was frustrated by my inability to fight cravings and lack of self-control. Instead of slimming down, I just shoved anything I saw into my mouth. I was busy learning the ropes as a new mom and it was so much easier to just stick my hand in a bag of cookies and eat it for lunch because that saved me time and I wouldn’t have to think about it.
In my life, I have quit drugs cold turkey. I just decided one day, “That’s it, no more drugs.” I guess I was never really