Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [68]
Louis was tough on me and Hank could tell it was bugging me. Hank said he’d go talk to Louis and shape him up, but I held him back. I said, “Hank, let me fight my battles. I can handle it. Maybe Louis will change.” But he never changed.
We clashed constantly. He called me dyslexic, asked me if I was learning-disabled, called me ADD. He found my insecurities and would use them against me to criticize me . . . He made me feel so little. From that day on I stopped laughing. I started being serious and then the producers, realizing I had lost some of my personality, tried to get me to be funny again, but I was putting my head down and focusing on the task at hand. Rehearsals were hard work and I had no idea that it would be such a challenge. The intimacy between us wasn’t there naturally either. It was hard to give all I had to someone I couldn’t get along with. I just didn’t feel comfortable in his arms. And it’s hard to perform when you have no passion toward the person you’re performing with. I’m not saying I didn’t like him—I’m sure he’s a nice guy off the dance floor—but I never wanted to know him because we clashed so much on the dance floor.
I felt like my start on Dancing with the Stars was cursed. First I got paired with Louis, then on the first dance night they did my hair in literally my worst hairdo of all time. I put all my trust in the ABC hair and makeup people and the next thing I knew I had bright blue eye makeup that matched my bright blue dress and big curly hair. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself. I looked more like an extra from The Lion King! It was my first episode of Dancing with the Stars in front of twenty-three million viewers, and I was nervous. The last thing I needed was hair that looked like a giant zoo animal and makeup like RuPaul’s.
I panicked and cried and didn’t know what to do because it was too late—I had to be on air, live, within minutes. I thought, “Oh, shit, this is over. I look like a mess and people are going to laugh at me and not vote for me.” I’m a conspiracy theorist, huge, and I really thought they did that to me because they wanted me to lose. They had a hairstyle on me originally that worked, but they took it down because the producer made them take it down. I had found a fan in the production team and turned him into a snitch, who informed me about some of the inner workings of the show and the decision-making process. He told me that the hair switch came from an “order” from a producer.
There is always drama with me, I know that. But this was bad. I don’t ask for drama. It’s not my fault they did that to my hair. I try to be laid-back and hands-off, not overbearing. If they had done a decent hairstyle, I wouldn’t have said anything. I sat in hair and makeup for hours, and I wasn’t even paying attention. They’d ask me what I wanted and I’d say, “I don’t care. Whatever you think.” I try to be an easy person to deal with, an exception to the Hollywood rule, but maybe I shouldn’t be that way.
The rest of the cast came from all different backgrounds and there were a million different personalities. The best part of being on the show for me was the opportunity to get to know so many cool people who I would never have met otherwise. Hollywood’s a tough town, so if you’re on a show with a group of other celebrities and you have a chance to forge a lasting relationship, you do it. Kirstie Alley and I clicked right off the bat. We are two people who hate smoke being blown up our asses. I love that about her. She knows what’s real and she doesn’t hide her emotions. It was amazing watching her lose weight so fast; literally each week she lost a size. She has a diet endorsement deal now because of it. And even though America thought she was having a good time with Maks, he was very hard on her and very strict, because that’s the way he does it. And it shows how strong Kirstie is because she handled it gracefully. I