Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [78]
I went in the kitchen where Hank was cooking and he looked really serious. I said, “Hey, babe,” and he was overly serious and seemed off. So I responded with, “Someone is in a bad mood. What’s wrong with you?” I was laughing, poking at him and making fun of his attitude—trying to loosen him up. And finally he just snapped. He said something like, “Why don’t you shut up and be serious?” So then I lost it. I said to him, “What the fuck? Why are you in such a grumpy mood? What’s so fucking wrong with you?” I found out later that he thought I was laughing at the sex tape stuff. The show needed me to talk about it and here they were telling me to be lighthearted about it and not dwell on it. It was the one time where we had miscommunication from the producers, and it really fucked with me and Hank. What we said to each other didn’t make sense for the story’s purposes. The cameras had followed me from the book-writing session, but the fight had nothing to do with the book. The fight was about our response to all of the heavy things going on in our lives, like the sex tape. It was me and Hank really fighting. We made up later that night but the cameras weren’t there. So we had to go back and shoot the make-up scene a month after the real fight. If we didn’t have the make-up scene on tape then the show wouldn’t make sense. The make-up scene is where we explain the fight and what happened.
You know what’s funny? I can’t even watch my show. I don’t want to relive the past; I want to live for the future. I don’t want to regret anything I do and say. I think that anything I shoot should be used. I’ll put it on at home because I’m superstitious about the ratings, but I’ll turn it on and then walk away. But I don’t want to start second-guessing myself and what I say and do. I try not to hide anything. I love to show myself and be open to the world. It really pisses me off sometimes that people criticize me for being a downer or being sad all the time. Who’s happy all the time? When people say, “Why are you always so sad?” then I say, “Why are you always so happy?” It’s not real to be happy all the time. I’m happy and sad, up and down, tired and energetic. I’m not one of these Hollywood stars who never show their cards. I’d be a horrible poker player because I’m not always grinning from ear to ear; you know exactly what’s wrong with me, when it’s wrong with me, and why it’s wrong with me.
A lot of reality stars have little say in what is being put into the show and what is being portrayed. Those on Teen Mom have no control. Like Bravo with the Housewives; each one of their characters is being portrayed in a way that isn’t really true to what they’re like in real life. They are not always in glamorous outfits and talking shit. It just so happens that they cut to eyes rolling every five seconds. One of the Housewives could roll her eyes at a fire engine going by and ruining the scene, and the producers will cut it to make it look like she was rolling her eyes at something one of the other cast members said. It has happened to me, but not to that degree. One time I was watching a fly in the room and they made it look like I was rolling my eyes. But on my show they do it just enough so that it’s funny and cute. They would never blow it up into a huge thing.
Hank and I are trying to work hard and provide for our family and our futures. I don’t care how rich you are, these days it’s never enough to guarantee security. And frankly, even though I have cameras in my face every time I’m changing a diaper or have garlic breath, it’s fun being a part of show business, and as long as the ratings are good I’m going to keep doing it. I will stick around as long as my fans do.
Chapter 16
Mommy Issues
This past Mother’s Day, I didn’t call my mom and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. It was one of the saddest days of my life. And while I believe everything happens for a reason and I always seem to come out okay in the end, I’m not sure what’s going to come of my relationship with my mom.
My mom gave birth to me. She raised