Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [8]
Chapter 2
Lights, Camera, Diaper Change
My life for a long time before Hank Jr. was simple. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to, and however I wanted. I’m not saying I was happier, but it was definitely a whole lot easier. As any working mom knows, it’s not easy balancing a busy career and motherhood. There are so many demands and it can feel overwhelming to make sure you’re not letting anyone down—your boss, your husband, your baby, or yourself. For me, filming the show, traveling, and working several jobs all while raising a baby can be a lot. But I try to stay grounded, focus on what’s most important—baby Hank, my husband, staying healthy—and let the rest fall by the wayside. Easier said than done, of course.
I have had these cameras following me for most of the last decade. Being a first-time mom with no training and little guidance is hard enough without it being documented—especially just hours after birth. The cameras raise the stakes and highlight any parenting lapses. It’s that much harder to keep a sense of perspective with two cameramen, a sound guy, and a producer following you from your bedroom to the bathroom to the nursery to the kitchen. I loved the fact that the show recorded the birth of our son and my very real learning curve, but it also came at a price. When you have never changed a diaper before, or never held a baby, the cameras add that much more pressure. Not exactly the type of home video footage you want to sit on the couch and watch over and over again.
The cameras and bright lights were shining as I tried to wipe poop off my squirming baby or breast-feed him. Can you imagine what it’s like to be changing a diaper for the first time and have a producer say, “Oh, can you slide a little bit to the side so we can get a better angle?” But the show’s producers were excited to capture every real moment in these early days. They even requested to wake up with me in the middle of the night for feedings and diaper changes. The crew stayed in the house all night long, and if I so much as farted in my sleep, a group of cameramen would come running up the stairs to see what all of the stirring was about. I woke up every three hours to feed and burp and change Hank Jr.’s diaper, like clockwork. His schedule was: three A.M., six A.M., nine A.M., twelve P.M., three P.M., six P.M., nine P.M., twelve A.M. . . . Hank was hungry, and he would cry if I was a minute late.
I’d go to sleep at nine P.M. and three hours later at midnight I had cameras waiting for me to wake up; rise and shine! I had my microphone on and the little battery pack attached to it on my side while I was trying to sleep! Then it would happen all over again three hours later. Who the hell wants cameras in their face at three o’clock in the morning? Especially when you have to get up and pee. And let me tell you, there were plenty of times when I did that (and more) while the microphone was still on.
I had a difficult time breast-feeding in the beginning and was getting really frustrated. But I had planned on breast-feeding and I was determined to do it, swollen, sore boobs and all. It was hard at first; Hank just wouldn’t latch on properly, though he liked to bite. And of course, the cameras were on my face so that certainly didn’t make it easier. There’s nothing worse than that feeling of not being able to naturally feed your child, especially when the whole world is “recommending” that you breast-feed. I kept wondering what was wrong with me. With cameras rolling, seconds felt like minutes, and minutes felt like hours as I struggled and second-guessed myself. It may seem like one minute of footage on the show, but it was more like weeks in real time.
Finally, though, he latched on. It was five P.M. at this point and I had been up since the middle of the night before, so I was exhausted and running on empty. I had tried to breast-feed for more than a week, but it just wasn’t happening. Then, at last, it happened. I was so excited, but Hank was downstairs so I called him on my cell phone and whisper-yelled for him to get upstairs.