Being Kendra_ Cribs, Cocktails, and Getting My Sexy Back - Kendra Wilkinson [82]
I feel really bad that she has turned all of these positives into negatives, which makes me feel sorry and completely compassionate toward her, but I also can’t hide my own feelings. I’m angry at her and think she’s being selfish. I know that’s not right of me, I should be concerned for her and I am, but I’m also angry. No mother should disapprove of the day her daughter finds love and happiness. Hank and I were in shock. To think the most important person in my life disapproved and wasn’t happy about it drove a stake right through my heart.
My heart still aches thinking about it, and my stomach ties itself in knots. This is another one of those adult situations where you wish you could just crawl into your childhood bed and wake up in the morning and find that everything’s gone. But the weeks go by, and nothing changes unfortunately.
I’ve come to the point now where even though Hank and I don’t have a relationship with my mom, I’ve allowed her to keep seeing baby Hank. I wouldn’t keep her from her grandson, but my husband is done. After she told him that she lost me when he proposed he was done. That made Hank cry, because for him that too was the most beautiful day of his life. My relationship with my mom aside, I want my son to have a relationship with his grandma. Right now baby Hank is saying “Grandpa” and “Grandma” to Hank’s parents. It’s the cutest thing in the world. And he could be saying “Mimi” to my mom too, but he’s not. I let my brother, Colin, coordinate time between my mom and baby Hank to make sure they get to see each other. He lives with my mom in San Diego, and while I know this situation has him stuck in the middle, he’s trying to stay out of it. I really respect him for that, because it would be very easy for him to choose a side, especially that of Mom, because he lives with her. But he’s been trying to stay out of it and just be a son to my mom and a brother to me. Colin spent Memorial Day weekend with us, and thankfully our relationship is great.
Family is family and you only get one. But dollars you can always make more of. Money is only important to me because it provides security for my family, which I didn’t always have. Since the day I kicked cocaine, I started to work my ass off. I could still be doing drugs and I could still be stripping, but I made some good decisions and have luckily gotten out of that world.
There is a part of me deep down that secretly knows to work, work, work, make money, and focus on a career so I don’t ever get back to that point. If I sacrifice things along the way, so be it. I know I am doing right by myself and my son.
When the opportunity for Playboy came up and I got invited to live at the mansion, my mom didn’t fight that. And I gave her money many times. Hef would give us $2,000 every Friday and I would always give her a quarter of that, in cash. Even to this day I have an account that direct-deposits into her account. I don’t even pay attention to it or keep track of it; it’s just automatic. Money means nothing to me; I’ve set up situations like businesses, real estate, and bank accounts (and now a college fund for baby Hank) so we can all be secure. But she still calls me selfish. She’s been receiving financial help from me since the day I started making it in Hollywood. She can have that to the day I die; I’d want her to.
I worry that my mom holds everything against me. The things that have made millions of people across America love me—my honesty, my success, my family, and my personality—are things I think bother my mom the most. It’s sad that I would have to choose between living my life and my mother, but what I hope I can accomplish is to somehow make both coexist together.
Hank’s parents are great people and they don’t judge. They are the type of people who you need surrounding you, the type of people who are there to help, not take. Hank’s parents never do for themselves, they do for other people.
They have never had a problem with my being a celebrity. Hank was scared his parents wouldn’t like