Belle - Lesley Pearse [20]
She needed to try to make Jimmy understand how it was for her, but it was so hard to put into words.
‘I really didn’t know what went on in the house,’ she said hesitantly, blushing furiously. ‘I mean, not until that night. I just thought it was a kind of private party that men paid to come in to.’
Jimmy nodded in understanding. ‘I told my uncle I’d met you, and he said you’d been kept well away from it. He said it was credit to your ma that she brought you up so well. But maybe she should have explained a bit about it. It must have been an awful shock to find out the truth?’
‘It was, and worse still because it was Millie. She was the only one of the girls I felt I really knew,’ Belle said, her voice shaking.
Jimmy swept snow off a bench and suggested they sat down as Belle launched into the story that she’d been told to give. Jimmy was very attentive and it was so good to be out in the fresh air, but the prettiness of the gardens, even a little robin who kept hopping about in front of them, made her feel she would choke on her lies about being in bed when it happened. She stopped mid-sentence, tears welling up in her eyes.
‘Don’t cry,’ Jimmy said, putting his arm around her shoulder comfortingly. ‘It must have been so shocking to have all that going on over your head. But don’t say any more if it’s upsetting.’
She leaned her face into his chest. ‘It’s telling lies I find upsetting,’ she said in little more than a whisper. ‘If I tell you the truth, will you promise not to repeat it to a living soul?’
He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face so he could see it better. ‘I would never tell anyone anything you told me in confidence,’ he said. ‘My ma was real hot on keeping promises and telling the truth. So fire away, it might make you feel better.’
Belle blurted out the true story then. It was disjointed at times; she couldn’t find the right words and was embarrassed by what the man had been doing with Millie before he killed her. Finally she explained that it was her mother who insisted she must say she was asleep in bed through it all.
Jimmy looked both shocked and dismayed.
‘I didn’t even know what the girls did with men until that night,’ she whispered, putting her hands over her face to hide her shame.
She began to sob then, shedding the bitter tears which should have come soon after it happened. Jimmy seemed to sense this, for he put his arms around her, held her tightly to his shoulder and let her cry.
Finally she managed to stop and she wriggled away from him and found her handkerchief to blow her nose. ‘Whatever must you think of me?’ she said, blushing with embarrassment.
‘I think you’re lovely,’ he said, taking the handkerchief from her to wipe her eyes. ‘I’ve thought of nothing but you since we met. I just wish I could do or say something to make you feel better about all this.’
Belle peeped at him through her lashes and saw the sincerity in his eyes. ‘I’ve wanted so much to see you since it happened,’ she said softly. ‘It’s been so horrible, and no one at home will let me talk about it. I felt you would understand, but then that seemed a silly thing to think when I hardly know you.’
‘I don’t think how long you’ve known someone is important. I’ve known my uncle all my life, but I couldn’t confide in him. Yet I’d only talked to you a few minutes and I was telling you things about my mother,’ he replied.
He put his icy-cold finger under her chin and lifted her face up to look at him. ‘My opinion is that your ma is wrong not to tell the police who it was and that you saw it. Yet I can understand why she doesn’t want to, because she’s scared of what might happen to you. So that proves she cares about you.’
‘What made you think she didn’t?’ Belle asked.
‘Just the way you spoke about her,’ he said with a shrug. ‘Sort of like you