Belle - Lesley Pearse [212]
‘We all make the mistake of trusting the wrong people sometimes,’ he said soothingly. ‘I certainly have, many times. But sometimes we also put our trust in the right ones, as you did with Gabrielle, and I did with Noah and Philippe.’
‘I thought I was seeing things when you came hurtling through that door,’ she said with a faint chuckle. ‘I even forgot to be embarrassed at having no clothes on.’
Etienne smiled back at her. ‘In years to come we’ll think we were in a scene in a penny dreadful. It’s a shame I didn’t think to say, “Unhand her, you scoundrel.” ’
Belle managed a real laugh at that. ‘It is so good to see you again. When I was back in New Orleans I used to wonder if you were really as handsome and mysterious as I remembered or whether that was just because I was so young and naive. But you are everything I remembered.’
‘I’ve often recalled how you took care of me when I was seasick, and how beautiful you looked that last night before we got to New Orleans. It was so hard to leave you in New Orleans, Belle, I’ve always wished I hadn’t taken you there.’
‘You had no choice,’ she said firmly. ‘And don’t feel bad about it, for in some ways it was the making of me.’
‘How can you say that?’ he asked.
‘I grew up, I became self-reliant,’ she said with a shrug of her shoulders. ‘I learned a lot about people. But don’t let’s do this “I wish I hadn’t” stuff. All the time I was in that room at Pascal’s I kept doing that, and it just drives you mad.’
Etienne had been impressed on the way to America by Belle’s ability to accept things she couldn’t change, and he was very glad she was still that way. ‘Fair enough. So what else would you like to tell me, or ask me?’ he said.
‘I left a lot of money in my room at the Mirabeau. Did Gabrielle find it?’ she asked.
‘I found it,’ he said. ‘It’s all still there, perfectly safe. And Gabrielle has a big heart underneath her dour exterior. Noah went back there last night and told her you’d been found and where you were. He said she lit up like the Eiffel Tower, she’d been beside herself with worry. But tomorrow or the next day you can go back to see her. She can’t wait to see you.’
Belle closed her eyes then, and Etienne thought he would wait until she was sound asleep, then creep out.
But a few minutes later her eyes flew open. ‘I know I said we weren’t to do the “I wish I hadn’t” stuff, but have you ever felt that it would be better to just die rather than live with the awful things you’ve done?’ she asked.
‘Yes, I have,’ he admitted, remembering that it was only a few months ago that he thought of nothing else. ‘But listen to me, Belle. One in every five women in Paris are filles de joie, and a large percentage of them have had no choice but to make a living that way, just like you. You didn’t steal or hurt anyone, in fact you gave your clients a great deal of pleasure, so you must not feel bad about it.’
‘I didn’t feel bad, not until Pascal. But he brought home to me what selling my body really meant. In his way he was right, why wouldn’t I let him have me? I was up for sale. Why didn’t I see just how low I’d sunk? I could have worked as a waitress, or cleaned for people. But I thought I was too good for that. How could I think being a whore was better?’
Etienne leaned forward, scooped her into his arms and held her tightly. ‘He was bad, not you, Belle. Don’t you dare begin to think you deserved what he did to you. Death isn’t a solution, it’s just the coward’s way of escaping the hurt. The brave thing to do is to put the past where it belongs, behind you. I’ve seen those hats in your sketchbook, and you have real talent. So think of going back to England with the slate wiped clean, of becoming a milliner and achieving your dream.’
She began to cry then, not the sad little whimpers he’d heard before, but great heaving, cleansing sobs. Etienne continued to hold her as she wept, knowing that the healing process could not begin until she let it all out.
She cried for a very long time, but gradually it began to abate. Etienne got a wet facecloth