Belle - Lesley Pearse [247]
Belle wanted to protest, but she knew in her heart he was right. On the day she married Jimmy she had firmly closed the door on her time in America and Paris. Etienne may have opened it again by coming to see her, and she was glad he had, but Jimmy might not see it that way.
‘Maybe you are right. But what about Noah?’ she asked. ‘You will surely go to see him, you became such good friends? Lisette is expecting a baby and they have a lovely home in St John’s Wood now.’
‘I am having lunch with him tomorrow, near his office,’ Etienne said. ‘We will always be friends, but I don’t call at his home; we both feel Lisette needs no reminders of the past, especially now.’
Belle gave a rueful smile. ‘Respectability has a high price. Noah and Lisette come to see us now and again, we have all been to their home too. But we are always careful to avoid talking about how and why we met. Sensible as that is, it also prevents us from being really close.’
‘Does the past affect your relationship with Jimmy?’ Etienne asked, his eyes boring into her, daring her to lie to him.
‘Sometimes,’ she admitted. ‘It’s like having a splinter in your finger which you can’t get out, and you can’t help touching it.’
Etienne nodded in understanding. ‘For me too. But in time a splinter works its way out and the hole it leaves will become filled with new memories.’
Belle laughed suddenly. ‘Why are we being so gloomy? All of us – you, me, Jimmy, Mog and Lisette too. We all have so many good things now, far more than we ever expected. Why are humans so perverse that they choose to dwell on previous bad times?’
‘Is it the bad times we dwell on, or the beautiful moments that lifted us up during those times?’ Etienne asked, raising one eyebrow quizzically.
Belle blushed, and he knew she remembered only too well the moments they’d shared. She changed the subject quickly, moving on to ask him about his farm. Etienne found little funny stories to tell her about it to lighten the mood.
Then Belle got off her stool and began tidying up the shop. ‘If you’re sure you really don’t wish to come and meet Jimmy, I must close the shop and go home,’ she said. ‘We always like to have a meal together before he opens the bar for the evening.’
Etienne got to his feet and took his tea cup out to the tiny kitchen. ‘Yes, of course, it must be difficult to have a family life with a bar to run. And I have a train to catch.’ He reached for his wet coat and put it back on.
‘I think you should leave before me,’ Belle said apologetically. ‘I don’t want anyone remarking that I was seen walking down the street with a stranger.’
He understood what she meant, and he suspected she wouldn’t tell Jimmy he’d called in.
‘I found what I was looking for,’ he said softly, taking her hands in his. ‘That you are happy and secure. If France goes to war, as it surely will, I may never get back to England again. Stay happy, love Jimmy with all your heart, and I hope one day I will hear through Noah that you have a whole brood of children.’
He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them. Then turned quickly and walked out of the door.
As the door closed behind Etienne, Belle murmured, ‘Au revoir.’ Her eyes prickled with tears for there was so much more she would have liked to say to him, so much more she wanted to know about his life.
She’d done her best to erase Etienne from her mind: how hard it had been to say goodbye to him in Paris, the yearning she had felt for him for so long after. Why did he have to drive that particular splinter back into her now?
She had told him the truth. She and Jimmy were very happy. Jimmy was her best friend, lover, brother and husband all rolled into one. They shared the same goals, they laughed at the same things, he was everything any girl could want or need. He had healed the horrors of the past and in his arms she had encountered exquisite tenderness and deep satisfaction, for he was a caring and sensitive lover.
Yet she couldn’t help but ask herself