Ben and Me_ From Temperance to Humility - Cameron Gunn [20]
The rest of the day passed uneventfully (relatively), but I knew that if I was to survive the next morning’s session, I would need some help. Just saying I wouldn’t engage in idle chitchat wasn’t enough; I needed to take a more active path. Ben had laid a golden pathway to Silence, but I needed a road map showing how to travel it.
I found some guidance from Lori Palatnik and Bob Burg in their book Gossip: Ten Pathways to Eliminate It from Your Life and Transform Your Soul. They describe the Ten Pathways of Positive Speech:
Speak No Evil. Say only positive statements. Let words of kindness be on your tongue.
Hear No Evil. Refuse to listen to gossip, slander and other negative forms of speech.
Don’t Rationalize Destructive Speech. Excuses like “But it’s true” or “I’m only joking” or “I can tell my spouse anything” just don’t cut it.
See No Evil. Judge people favorably, the way you would want them to judge you.
Beware of Speaking Evil Without Saying an Evil Word. Body language and even positive speech can bring tremendous destruction.
Be Humble; Avoid Arrogance. These will be your greatest weapons against destructive speech.
Beware of Repeating Information. Loose lips sink ships. Even positive information needs permission before being repeated.
Honesty Really Is the Best Policy—Most of the Time. Be careful to always tell the truth, unless it will hurt others, break your own privacy, or publicize your accomplishments.
Learn to Say “I’m Sorry.” Everyone makes mistakes. If you’ve spoken badly about someone, clear it up immediately.
{ He that speaks much, is much mistaken.}
Forgive. If you have been wronged, let it go.1
Oh, gracious. That’s quite a list. Body language? Humility? I would even have to say I was sorry? The way this course was going, I thought, I might never say anything else.
Gossip and the Modern Lawyer
In my quest for moral perfection, I had become transparent. Had I been a wiser man, I would have kept my own counsel on the Great Franklin Virtue Hunt. I would have quietly gone about my virtuous business and waited for the results to speak for themselves. However, as disclosed above, I have never let anything speak for itself.
So, as a result of my big mouth, my colleagues were aware of my intention to follow Franklin’s virtues. Aware and skeptical. Unmoved by my desire to be better, uninspired by my wish to be virtuous, and unimpressed with my chances of success, they had specifically informed me that they would not be involved in my quest for moral perfection. “Don’t drag us into this” had become their collective motto. (Strangely, my wife had given me the same advisory.)
This caused a problem during my quest for Silence. Having dedicated myself not simply to the words of Benjamin Franklin (and my more contemporary guide, Chris Levan) but also to the Ten Pathways of Positive Speech, I had hoped that speaking positively about people would not only make the virtue of Silence more palatable and achievable but also create an environment in which those around me would reflect on the very virtue I sought to achieve. In hindsight, and upon a review of the list, this was more patronizing than humble. That might explain what came next.
As we had done the day before and the day before that and the day before that, we gravitated to our usual prework routine of gossip and occasional griping. This time, however, I was going on the offensive. I monitored the conversation, waiting for an opportunity to knock gossip square in the puss. Opportunity did not take long to knock. A particular name came up, a certain and sure target of negative comment at some point. Seizing the moment, I said something positive about this person. Aha! I congratulated myself. Now I’m rolling. Hopefully the others would follow my virtuous lead.
Rather than the worshipful adulation that I had anticipated, my efforts were met with an incredulous stare, complete silence, and finally the question: “What virtue are you on now?”
This was followed by a discussion, the essence of which was that I was an idiot and that my following