Ben and Me_ From Temperance to Humility - Cameron Gunn [41]
Maybe the answer was wrapped up in the very reason that I wanted to give a metaphorical kick in the ass to my slump-seated criminology students. My journey to virtue is more about embracing every day as an opportunity for improvement rather than wholesale change.
I remembered an article I had read and saved from the American Psychological Association online magazine. It was called “Solutions to Resolution Dilution”1 and was written by author Sadie F. Dingfelder (I love that name). The article detailed some chilling realities for anyone seeking to be resolute: After two years, only 19 percent of resolvers still stuck to their resolutions.
The author found that a predictor of success was self-efficacy, or the belief that one can effect and maintain change. Certainly Ben was the ultimate believer in self-efficacy.
Right. Time for a little affirmation. Say this along with me if you’re following this program (if you’re not, this would be a good time for a snack break—please get me a hunk of cheese and some crackers while you’re up). “I am not a failure. My moments of weakness are not full-on relapses. I resolve to carry on. I resolve to be better. I resolve to be more virtuous.” Are the cheese and crackers here yet?
Lessons in Resolution and Humility
As the week of Resolution wound its way to its inevitable conclusion (a lack of success, a feeling of shame, and a commitment to do better), I was struck with the notion that I should at least be learning lessons from my failures.
What, then, were the lessons of Resolution?
Lesson No. 1: Beware the enemies of Resolution (even the unwitting ones). This virtue has enemies and challengers that lurk around us everywhere. Take my cousin. He is an honor-able, intelligent, erudite man, and I find discussions with him intellectually stimulating. Unfortunately, faced with the chance to discuss an ongoing political scandal with him, I failed to be resolute. I gave in to temptation and I stopped doing what I ought.
Lesson No. 2: Learn to say no. If we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed with activities and projects, nothing will be achieved.
Lesson No. 3: Acknowledge transgressions, fix the problem, and move on. This lesson is a hybrid. It is human nature to want to achieve; it is just that we don’t understand our natures very well until we see time passing us by. It is important to understand that life is finite, that there are no do-overs, and that carpe diem has nothing to do with fish. On the other hand, don’t become wrapped up in achievement. Enjoy life. Be resolute in doing so. And above all else, don’t give up. Little failures are not “full-on relapses.”
Lesson No. 4: Finally, pay attention to the small things. I like the big picture, but if we don’t pay some attention to detail, there will be no big picture. You might, at this point, be flipping through the preceding pages wondering where that little nugget of wisdom arose. Stop flipping; you won’t find it above. Look below.
If you looked at my weekly chart of transgressions and thought that I had been particularly virtuous, you would have been wrong. At the end of the week of Resolution, so wrapped up was I in being resolute that I failed to do what I had resolved. I had not filled in my weekly chart since the first day. Not a mark. That was an embarrassing lesson in Resolution. I just wasn’t sure where to note the transgression.
RESOLUTION
{CHAPTER 5}
Frugality
Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself,
i.e., waste nothing
I IMAGINED GETTING MARRIED BEFORE I HAD EVEN GRADUATED FROM high school. Unlike all those commitment-phobic men that seem to populate every sitcom and date movie, I looked forward to the day when I would be tied by the bonds of marriage to one person, for better or worse, for richer