Best Business Practices for Photographers [247]
In my case, I am always out and about, usually in town, but frequently (less so now than when I was younger) I am traveling on assignment. For me, I love nothing more than coming home after being out all day and having nice evening at home. My wife, who's been in an office environment all day, wants to go out, get dinner, or such. I make a conscious effort to go out because it's important to my wife, and as such, it's important to me. Traveling for me is definitely work, and I so look forward to a home-cooked meal. However, weekend destinations are trips we make together when I'd rather be home. Sure, I enjoy them, and I especially enjoy that my wife and children are having a fun time, but I relish more being at home working in the garage or out in the yard with the family. Striking that balance is so important in situations such as this.
Listening to Cues: What Those You Love Are Saying When They're Not Saying Anything
One of the refrains made by spouses of photographers is, "You love your camera more than you love me." The immediate response is always, "Of course not, sweetheart," or something to that effect. When you say that, you're not hearing what your spouse is actually saying, which is, "I want to spend time with you, and all you want to do is take photos."
It is extremely hard for a spouse to understand that, although it's not true that all we want to do is take photos, making photographs is as enjoyable to we photographers as whatever hobby our spouse or partner enjoys doing. We are blessed to be able to earn a living doing what we love.
Robert Fulghum's book, It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It (Ivy Books, 1991), posits this question:
Is my occupation what I get paid money for, or is it something larger and wider and richer—more a matter of what I am or how I think about myself?
It goes on to say:
Making a living and having a life are not the same thing. Making a living and making a life that's worthwhile are not the same thing. Living the good life and having a good life are not the same thing. A title doesn't even come close to answering the question "what do you do?"
I would submit the notion that although what we do is work, it's not a job. However, we become so focused that we begin to ignore what's going on around us.
Often a spouse will begin to withdraw, and the dialogue about the day's activities may become perfunctory. Maybe your spouse decides to paint a room without talking to you about what color it should be. Or you may get the silent treatment if you don't notice weight loss, hairstyle changes, or such. I know I have fallen into that scenario, and getting out of the proverbial doghouse is an uphill battle.
Dale Carnegie, in his 1936 best-selling book, How to Win Friends & Influence People(Pocket, 1998), makes these points:
When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? It was "lack of appreciation." And I'd bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way. We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
Abraham Lincoln once began a letter saying, "Everybody likes a compliment." William James said, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." He didn't speak, mind you, of the "wish," "desire," or "longing" to be appreciated. He said the "craving."
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere, and the other insincere.
"Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of