Between Here and Forever - Elizabeth Scott [12]
“It sounds stupid when you say it like that,” I say. “She … look, you were in the room. He talked, and something happened to her.”
“Because of Eli?”
“Yes, duh,” I say. “You’ve seen him. You even said he was beautiful just now. And you know how Tess is. She’s always wanted to be swept off her feet by the perfect guy. Beth even got her a book of ‘classic romantic fairy tales’ for Christmas.” I swallow. “Or at least that’s what Tess said. She didn’t … she didn’t ever show us her gifts. She left them at school and now—”
“How is Beth?” Claire says. “I haven’t seen her at the hospital much lately.”
“She came a lot at first,” I say. “But now she’s … I don’t know. Busy with school, I guess.”
“They lived together for two years.”
“Yeah, but that’s how it is in college. Tess says that when you find someone decent to room with, you don’t mess with that.”
Claire stares down at the river. “You know, Abby, maybe you don’t—maybe you don’t know Tess like you think you do.”
“Oh, come on,” I tell her. “Tess wants to be happy.”
“No, she wants everyone to think she’s perfect.”
“I don’t think Tess ever worried about that. Why would she ever have needed to? I mean, she’s—”
“Yeah,” Claire says. “She’s Tess. But still, she could never bring herself to do anything she thought someone, somewhere, might possibly think was wrong.”
“You know, Mom used to say Tess wanted things to be perfect,” I say. “Do you think that’s why she acted the way she did when you got pregnant? Not that I think you getting pregnant was bad or anything, but Tess—”
“I know,” Claire says, her voice bitter. “Believe me, I know what Tess thought.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, I know you did too. You never told her about Jack after all, did you?”
I shake my head and force myself to laugh. It comes out rough, broken-sounding. “No, I didn’t. She wouldn’t—she wouldn’t have understood. I mean, look at how she treated you. And she liked you. Me and Tess just aren’t—we’re nothing alike.”
“I think … I think that you two aren’t as different as you think. I mean, look at this plan of yours. You’re expecting a happy ending, aren’t you?”
“Because I know Tess does,” I say. “Because she believes in them. I don’t.”
“Abby,” Claire says, but I shake my head again, as if I can shake off the pity in her voice.
“Don’t. Just … don’t. I know Tess was mean to you and she—I didn’t always like her, but she’s my sister. I’m supposed to want her to—”
“Supposed?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s what you said.”
“I have to go,” I say, and head back to my bike. I stare out at the water, at the Ferrisville dock growing closer and closer.
I don’t want Claire feeling sorry for me. I don’t want her saying that she knows I used to believe in love and all that crap. I don’t want to be reminded that I used to think it was possible for a guy around here, around Tess, to look at me and not see her.
I don’t want to think that once I was stupid enough to believe I could be with someone who wanted my sister and make them want me.
eleven
My parents get home earlier than usual and catch me in the kitchen poking pieces of toast into the jelly jar and then eating them.
“You’re supposed to put jelly on bread, not put the bread in the jar. And you did eat something else besides that, right?” Mom says, and sits down across from me, giving me her Mom stare. She’s really good at it.
“Why are you home early? Is Tess—?”
“She’s fine. Your father and I—we decided to come home after we talked to the doctor.”
I look around for Dad, but he’s come in and gone straight into the living room. Something’s definitely happened. “What did the doctor say?”
Mom gets up. “I’m going to make a sandwich. Do you want one?”
“Mom,” I say, and she looks over her shoulder at me from the counter and gives me a small, sad half smile.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about. We just … the insurance isn’t going to cover as much as we thought and—well, Tess’s been in the hospital for long enough that we’re being asked to consider other options.”
“Other options? Like what?” I know