Between Sisters - Kristin Hannah [124]
With every step she took, he wanted to go after her, apologize and tell her the truth, who he was and what he'd been through. Then, perhaps, she'd understand why there were places he couldn't go. But he didn't move.
When he went back inside the house, he saw the last remaining picture of Diana staring at him from the mantel. For the first time he noticed the accusing glint in her eyes.
“What?” he said. “There's nothing I can do.”
Alison listened carefully to Claire's explanation of a golf-ball-size “owie” in her brain.
“A golf ball is little,” she said at last.
Claire nodded, smiling. “Yes. Yes it is.”
“And a special gun is gonna shoot magic rays at it until it disappears? Like rubbing Aladdin's lamp?”
“Exactly like that.”
“How come you hafta live with Aunt Meg?”
“It's a long drive to the hospital. I can't go back and forth every day.”
Finally, Ali said, “Okay.” Then she got to her feet and ran upstairs. “I'll be right back, Mommy!” she yelled down.
“You haven't looked at me,” Dad said when Ali was gone.
“I know.”
He got up and crossed the room, then sat down beside her. She felt the comforting, familiar heat of him as he put an arm around her, pulled her close. She rested her head on the hard ledge of his shoulder. She felt a splash of tears on her face and knew he was crying.
“I'd drive you back and forth, you know,” he said softly, and she loved him for it. But she didn't want to grow weak in front of him. She and Meghann had read about radiation; when it was focused on the brain it could really make a person sick. It would take everything she had to stay strong through the treatments. She couldn't come home every night and see herself through her dad's eyes. “I know that. You've always been there for me.”
He sighed heavily, wiping his eyes. “Have you told Bobby?”
“Not yet.”
“But you will?”
“Of course. As soon as he's finished in Nashville—”
“Don't.”
She looked at him, confused by the sudden harshness of his voice. “What?”
“I didn't know your Mama was pregnant, did I ever tell you that?”
“You told me.”
“I left one night to run to the store and when I got back, she'd left me. I tried to get ahold of her, but you know Ellie, when she's gone, she's gone. I went back to my job at the paper plant and tried to forget her. It took a long time.”
Claire put her hand on his. “I know all this.”
“You don't know all of it. When Meg called me to come get you, I went from alone in the world to father of a nine-year-old in one phone call. I hated Ellie then like you can't believe. It took years before I stopped hating her for denying me your childhood. All I could think about was what I'd missed—your birth, your first words, your first steps. I never got to hold all of you in my arms, not really.”
“What does this have to do with Bobby?”
“You can't make decisions for other people, Claire, especially not for people who love you.”
“But you can sacrifice for them. Isn't that what love is?”
“You see it as sacrifice? What if he sees it as selfishness? If . . . the worst happens, you've denied him the one thing that matters. Time.”
Claire looked at him. “I can't tell him, Dad. I can't.”
“I could kill her for what she did to you and Meg.”
“This isn't about Mama dumping us,” Claire said, believing it. “This is about how much I love Bobby. I won't make him give up his big break for me.”
Before Dad could say anything else, Alison bounded into the room, dragging her worn, stained baby blanket, the one she'd slept with every single night of her life. “Here, Mommy,” she said, “you can have my wubbie till you get all better.”
Claire took the grayed pink blanket in her hands. She couldn't help herself; she held it to her face and smelled the little-girl sweetness of it. “Thanks, Ali,” she said in a throaty voice.
Alison crawled up into her arms and hugged her. “It's okay, Mommy. Don't cry. I'm a big girl. I can sleep without my wubbie.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
MEGHANN SAT IN THE WAITING ROOM, TRYING TO READ THE newest issue ofPeoplemagazine. It was the “Best- and Worst-Dressed