Between Sisters - Kristin Hannah [148]
“I know, Mommy,” Ali said, burrowing closer. She lay still as a sleeping baby, quieter than she'd lain in years. That was when Claire knew that Ali understood, but when her daughter leaned closer to say, “I told God I'd never ask for Cap'n Crunch again if He made you all better,” Claire felt something inside her tear away. She clung to her daughter for as long as she could. “Take her home,” she finally said when the pain became more than she could bear.
Meghann was there instantly, pulling Ali into her arms again.
But Ali wiggled out of Meg's grasp and slithered to the molded plastic chair beside the bed. She stood there, on the wobbly chair, staring at Claire.
“I don't want you to die, Mommy,” she said in a husky little voice.
It hurt too much even to cry. Claire looked at her precious baby and managed a smile. “I know that, punkin, and I love you more than all the stars in the sky. Now you skedaddle on home with Grandpa and Bobby. I hear they're going to take you to see a movie.”
Meghann picked Ali up again. Claire could see that she was near tears, too. “Make Bobby go home,” she said to her sister. “He's been here every night. Tell him I said Ali needs him tonight.”
Meg reached out, squeezed her hand. “We need you.”
Claire sighed. “I need to sleep now” was all she could think of to say.
Hours later, Claire came awake with a start. Her heart was pounding so hard she felt light-headed. For a split second, she didn't know where she was. Then she saw the flowers and the machines. If she squinted, she could make out the wall clock. Moonlight glinted on the domed glass face. It was 4:00.
In a few hours, they'd crack her skull open.
She started to panic, then saw Meg was in the corner, sprawled in one of those uncomfortable chairs, sleeping.
“Meg,” she whispered, hitting her control button; the bed tilted upward. The buzzing of the machinery sounded loud, but Meghann didn't wake.
“Meg,” she said in a louder voice.
Meghann sat upright and looked around. “Did I miss the test?”
“Over here.”
Meghann blinked, pushed a hand through her wild, tangled hair. “Is it time?”
“No. We have four more hours.”
Meghann got up, dragged the chair over to the bed. “Did you sleep?”
“Off and on. The prospect of someone cracking your skull open keeps a girl wideawake.” Claire glanced out the window at the moonlight. Suddenly, she was so afraid, she was shaking. All the veneer of bravery she'd applied for her family and friends had worn off, leaving her vulnerable. “Do you remember what I used to do when I had a nightmare?”
“You used to crawl into bed with me.”
“Yeah. That old cot in the trailer's living room.” Claire smiled. “It smelled like spilled bourbon and cigarette smoke, and it was too small for the two of us. But when I got into bed and you hugged me, I thought nothing could hurt me.” She looked up at Meghann, then very gently peeled back the blanket.
Meghann hesitated, then climbed into bed with Claire, drawing her close. If she noticed how thin Claire had gotten, she didn't comment on it.
“How come we forgot all the things that mattered?”
“I was an idiot.”
“We wasted a lot of time.”
“I'm sorry,” Meg said. “I should have said that a long time ago.”
Claire reached for Meg's hand, held it. “I'm going to ask you something, Meg, and I don't want any of your bullshit to get in the way. I can't ask this twice; saying each word is like swallowing broken glass. If the worst happens, I want you to be a part of Ali's life. She'll need a mother.”
Meg squeezed Claire's hand so tightly it cut off the blood flow to her fingers. Long seconds passed before she answered in a throaty voice, “I'll make sure she always remembers you.”
Claire nodded; she couldn't speak.
After that, they lay in the darkness, each holding the other one together until dawn lit the room and the doctors took Claire away.
Meghann stood at the window, staring