Beyond Feelings - Vincent Ruggiero [34]
The Georgia Supreme Court ruled that a church founded by a woman who calls herself "a pagan and a witch" is entitled to a property tax exemption on the building her group uses for worship.3 Do you endorse that court ruling?
Group discussion exercise: Discuss the following idea with two or three classmates. Decide how reasonable it is.
Many men view pornography as a harmless sexual stimulant. But it is not harmless at all. It exploits women by presenting them as objects rather than persons, and it creates the impression that women are "looking for it." This impression tends to make men more tolerant of rape and, in some cases, prompts men to rape.
After your group discussion (application 5), consider what pressure to conform you felt before or during the discussion. Be sure to consider subtle pressure, such as the feeling that your family or friends might disagree with you or the discomfort of having someone in the group dispute your view. Determine what influence, if any, this pressure had on your final decision on the issue.
1 "Groupthink," National Catholic Observer, January 27, 1973, p.24.
2 See, for example, "Methodists Battle About Gay Cleric," The (Oneonta) Star, May 15, 1982, p.8.
3 "Witch's Church Tax Free," The (Oneonta) Star, April 8, 1982, p.17.
P2-C08-5
CHAPTER NINE
FACE-SAVING
Everyone has a self-image, and often it is a favorable one. It's perfectly natural to want to see ourselves affirmatively: as wise, responsible, intelligent, careful, observant, courageous, generous, thoughtful of others, good image to others. This desire is part of the larger desire to be good people, people of character, and to live up to the demanding standards that are required.
Unfortunately, those natural and healthy desires often prompt us to resort to face-saving maneuvers. Face-saving is attempting to preserve our self-image or the image we project to others when some unpleasant reality threatens it. The child who loses his temper and punches his playmate, for example, will say, "It's not my fault; she made me do it by laughing at me." The adult who makes a costly mistake at work will explain, "I couldn't help it; the directions I was given were misleading." Both are trying to save face, to find an excuse for their behavior. Most people are quick to accept praise but slow to accept blame. (A good example of these twin characteristics is the way many students speak of their grades: They'll say, "I got a B", but "The professor gave me a D.")
It would seem that fully mature, emotionally balanced individuals should be able to draw the line at these relatively modest maneuvers and not go beyond them. That is, they should be able to resist projecting onto others the share of blame they themselves deserve. In fact, many people do so most of the time. Yet no one behaves maturely in every situation.
FACE-SAVING SITUATION
All of us have moments when we strive unreasonably, and often unconsciously, to protect our image. For some of us, those moments occur when a particular aspect of our image is involved. Individuals who pride when a particular aspect of our image is involved. Individuals who pride themselves on being good judges of people may be mature and balanced about many things, but when the candidate they voted for is found guilty of misusing his or her office, they may persist in denying the evidence, scream about the hypocrisy of the opposing party, and predict that in years to come the judgment will be reversed. They may do all of this merely to preserve the image of their perceptiveness in judging people.
Similarly, people who believe they possess unusual self-control may deny that they are slaves to smoking or drinking and strain good sense in defending their habit. ("No one has really proved smoking is harmful; besides, it relieves tension" or "I don't drink because I have to but because I enjoy it; I can stop any time I want to.") When people who think of themselves as totally self-sufficient are reminded that they owe someone money, they may find fault with