Beyond Feelings - Vincent Ruggiero.original_ [2]
Finally, mass culture promotes values that oppose those held by most parents. Play is presented as more fulfilling than work, self-gratification more desirable than self-control, and materialism more meaningful than idealism. People who adopt these values without questioning them may end up sacrificing worthy goals to their pursuit of "a good time" and lots of money.
EFFECTS ON SELF-IMAGE
The circumstances of our lives are so influential that they affect not only our view of the world but also our view of ourselves. If you were to make a list of your capacities for different kinds of activities, you might say, for example, "I work well with mechanical things, but I have no talent for dealing with ideas." Would that be accurate? Not necessarily! It would be what you had come to believe about yourself, the conclusion you'd reached as a result of your experience. However, it might very well be a conclusion you reached too soon.
Dr. Maxwell Maltz explains the amazing results one educator had in improving the grades of school children by changing their self-images. He had observed that when they saw themselves as stupid in a particular subject (or stupid in general), they unconsciously acted to confirm their self-images. They believed they were stupid, so they acted that way. Reasoning that it was their defeatist attitude rather than any lack of ability that was defeating them, the educator set out to change their self-images. He found that when he accomplished that, they no longer behaved stupidly!
Maltz records how this same negative self-image kept a salesman from ever reaching more than a certain level of sales. When his territory was changed to a larger and more promising territory, he continued to make the same dollar amount, not a bit more. The trouble was found to be not in the conditions of his work but in his self-image. He had decided he couldn't exceed a certain amount, and so he subconsciously prevented himself from doing so.
Maltz concludes from these and other examples that our experiences can work a kind of self-hypnotism on us, suggesting a conclusion about ourselves and then urging us to make it come true1.
SIGNIFICANCE OF THE EARLY YEARS
Psychologists agree that the early years of life are the most significant in shaping a person. Like sapling trees, small children are very pliable. The reasons for this are obvious. Everything is new to them. They are constantly recording impressions, and they lack any sophisticated process for sorting out those impressions and dealing with them. Children cannot think analytically. They cannot even express their reactions verbally.
The impact of children's early experiences can be profound, affecting their basic outlook toward themselves and other. Dr. Thomas A. Harris suggests that there are four such outlooks, and not all of them are healthy:
I'm not OK – You're OK.
I'm not OK – you're not OK.
I'm OK – You're not OK.
I'm OK – You're OK.
The first outlook occurs for everyone between birth and age two or three. It develop-s when children sense their own fumbling helplessness and adults' comparative ability. The difference in size and skill makes adults seem almost godlike. And so children feel inferior.
Age two or three, in Harris's view, is an important juncture. Children may continue in the first outlook with their feelings of inferiority lessening as they grow in knowledge and skill. Or they may slip into the harmful second or third outlook. The second develops when mothers are unusually cold. Lacking any encouragement, the children literally lack a reason to live. If they survive, they tend to become emotionally stunted, unable to accept recognition from anyone. The third outlook occurs when cruel, unloving parents beat and abuse their children. Each time the children experience an episode