Bike Snob - Anonymous [46]
That said, you know you’re going to get a flateventually. You also know the flat is going to happen at a bad time, because bicycles are vehicles, and if you were already where you wanted to be you wouldn’t be on the thing in the first place. So before you start riding around, familiarize yourself with the process. Make sure you can remove your tire and tube from both wheels and put them back again. Do it a few times. And always have everything you need on you. It’s not much—a spare tube, a patch kit, a pump, and some tire levers. You can carry all that stuff really easily on either the bike or yourself.
Chain Maintenance
If bicycle maintenance is like housecleaning, then the chain is like that part of the floor behind the toilet, in that it gets all dirty and cruddy, yet the dirtier and cruddier it gets the less you want to touch it.
To clean a chain properly, you have to remove it from the bike. While this is pretty easy, it is one of those things that’s also pretty easy for the novice to mess up. As such, while I encourage you to learn about chain removal, I wouldn’t categorize it as something you absolutely must know how to do. A dirty chain will still work, just like a dirty toilet will still flush.
But one thing that is essential is lubing your chain. There is absolutely no excuse for riding around with a rusty chain that sounds like a nest of baby mice. Not lubing your chain is like not flushing your toilet. So if you hear any squeaking or chirping sounds coming from your drivetrain, lube your chain. This requires no technical proficiency whatsoever—if you can baste a turkey or make a bowl of cereal, you can lube a chain. Here are detailed instructions:
—Drip lube on the chain.
That’s it! You can buy bicycle-specific lube at any bike shop, or you can even use regular household oil. (The bicycle-specific stuff tends to be neater, though it’s more expensive.) Use gefilte fish fat if you have to—just quiet that thing down!
Saddle Adjustment
Figuring out your saddle position is a little like figuring out which hole to use on your belt; it might take a little trial and error, but once you figure it out you can pretty much leave it where it is and that’s that (though in both cases, changes to your midriff size can require readjustment).
Now, you wouldn’t go to the tailor to have your belt put on for you, and similarly you should not have to go to a bike shop to make a simple saddle adjustment (though I have spent enough time in bike shops and helping out at group rides to know how many people cannot adjust their own saddles). All it involves is sliding the seatpost up or down in the frame, and then loosening the clamp at the head of the seatpost and moving the saddle fore or aft and adjusting the angle. Every bike is different, but usually all that’s required for any of it is a couple of Allen keys.
If you’re a novice mechanic, taking some time to adjust your saddle height and position is good practice, since loosening and tightening small bolts is pretty much what bicycle mechanics is all about. Once you’ve got it where you want it, put a little tape around the seatpost just above the seatpost clamp to mark your position in case you have to pull it out again.
Handlebar Adjustment
Now that you’re comfortable in the bold and exciting new world of manipulating small bolts, you should also not be afraid to make adjustments to your stem and handlebar position. There are various types and configurations of bars and stems out there, but most of them are fairly straightforward—you can pretty much tell by looking at them how everything goes together. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different handlebars and to install them yourself. Handlebars are probably the single most important component in determining the feel of your bike. While you can spend hundreds of dollars on a set of handlebars, most of them are pretty cheap. Look at other people’s bar setups, and if something appeals