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By Root 266 0

for instance, are the sell-by date of three thousand years ago. Back then, there was a cult that followed a god called Astarte. (This is not to be confused with the professional cycling team, Astana.) This cult used to have a big party which involved boiling a kid (as in a young goat) in its mother’s milk. This must have been quite delicious, because these parties were popular enough that the Jewish leaders had to make a rule that prohibited Jews from “eating the kid that has been boiled in its mother’s milk” in order to keep them from defecting over to the Astarte cult. This rule is still on the books today (those books being the Torah), but now it simply means that observant Jews can’t eat cheeseburgers. And while cheeseburgers aren’t exactly good for you, the rule isn’t about health. It’s simply a historical accident. I’m sure if some rabbinical leader had gotten nailed in the eye with a piece of gefilte fish a few hundred centuries ago then observant Jews wouldn’t be able to eat that either.

Well, cycling equipment choice and setup are governed by as many rules as any supermarket or religion. And like any body of rules, some of them make sense, and some of them once made sense but are now simply ways that initiated cyclists can identify other cyclists as “newbies.” These are common rules that have a nucleus of practicality:

Always Align Your Tire Label with Your Valve Stem

This is an oft-cited rule. While you’ll rarely see a bicycle depicted in an advertisement that doesn’t adhere to it, in practice some people adhere to it and some people don’t. Personally, I adhere to it like globs of jelly adhere to gefilte fish, and I find a misaligned tire as visually irritating as a tag sticking out from the collar of a T-shirt. However, just like you usually don’t feel the errant tag while you’re wearing a T-shirt, you won’t feel the misaligned tire while you’re actually riding, since it has no effect on performance.

But as arbitrary and nitpicky as this rule seems, there is good reason for it. If you’re repairing a flat tire, you first need to locate the cause of the puncture. Sometimes, that’s difficult to do. But if you inflate your tube and find the hole, you can then look at how far it is from the valve. And, since you’re an observant, anal, rule-obsessed cyclist and you always align your tire label with your valve stem, you can then zero right in on the point of entry on the tire. And when you’re fixing a flat in the rain on a cold autumn day and your fingers are rapidly becoming numb, every second counts. This is doubly true if there are wild animals around, in which case every half-second counts. Yes, aligning your tire label and your valve stem can actually save you from being torn apart by bears or rabid monkeys. So AAYTLWYVS (Always Align Your Tire Label with Your Valve Stem).

Always Make Sure Your Quick-Release Skewers Are Properly Closed

Many cyclists have no idea how to properly close a quick-release skewer, which to me is only slightly less strange than not knowing how to operate a zipper. A leisurely spin through any area where recreational cyclists congregate will reveal an absolutely stunning number of people whose wheels are on the verge of ejection from their bicycles. And if you don’t think it’s happening, trust me—it is. I once found myself riding up a hill behind a rider with an improperly closed rear skewer, and just as I noticed it the rear wheel left the dropouts and the rider wound up sprawled on the pavement. (I’m not qualified in first aid, but I am qualified in pedantry, so I opted to administer a quick-release closure lesson in lieu of medical attention.)

I’m not going to go into a how-to with regard to skewers, because this information is best conveyed in person, but I will say the most common mistake seems to be simply twirling the skewer while in the open position until it stops. Please remember—it’s a skewer, not a wing nut (and by wing nut please note that I am not referring to Gary Busey). Closing it properly is the most important thing. Having the lever on the correct side of the