Bit Literacy - Mark Hurst [36]
Thus, to be empathetic to the recipient, an e-mail should be structured in the following sequence:
Subject, with frontloaded hook
Greeting
Hook (restated)
Support
End
(Of course, some e-mails might not need a greeting or a support. In fact, in certain instances an e-mail with only a Subject, and no message body, might suffice. Whatever elements are present, though, should follow the sequence above.)
The support may contain multiple statements or arguments, so it’s important to present it clearly. A big block of text is generally the wrong way to do it. Text bullets—comprised of a hyphen and a space—provide a much better way of displaying multiple elements of the support.
Example: rewriting an e-mail
Now for an example that puts it all together. Consider the e-mail below:
From: John Smith (john@example.com)
To: Steve Doe (steve@example.com)
Subject: Announcement about the finance department’s change to the 401k plan
Hi,
As you all know, the company offers a 401k plan to all employees via AcmeOne Investing. There are many ways to gain value in your retirement account through this tax-deferred instrument. We have just made some changes to the plan, including offering a dozen more mutual funds, and new tracking tools on the website. But even better, we have just started a new matching policy where the company will match up to 5% of your contributions. You can start this whenever you want by filling out some forms at my desk. The deadline to get the first month’s matching contribution is December 7.
Thanks,
-John
At first glance it may look harmless enough, but the e-mail contains several problems:
The Subject line is unnecessarily long and doesn’t frontload the hook.
In fact, the Subject fails to mention the hook at all, which is an important action item. If employees fill out the forms by December 7, they can get the first month’s matching contribution.
The body leads with the support in a big block of text and hides the hook in the last sentence. Note how each sentence is more important than the last: a good example of backloading.
Seeing the long Subject line, employees might ignore the message, especially if it’s one of dozens or hundreds of e-mails in their inbox. Even if they do open the e-mail, they’ll see the big block of text and might not read the whole thing. The first sentence makes it look like a standard office FYI that they can safely ignore. Overlooking the action item buried in the last sentence, they will probably fail to fill out the new forms. Because of the poor structure of the e-mail, employees may miss one or more matching contributions, and John may have to send more e-mails to follow up on this one.
This is a small example, but multiplied by the millions of such e-mails that get sent every day in companies and organizations around the world, it’s indicative of the staggering loss of productivity due to poor e-mail structure. On the bright side, these pitfalls are easy to avoid. Creating a bit-literate e-mail doesn’t require any special technology, just proper training and some empathy for the recipient.
Rewriting the e-mail, we get:
From: John Smith (john@example.com)
To: Steve Doe (steve@example.com)
Subject: Please fill out forms by Dec. 7 for new 401k match
Hi Steve,
Please come by my office by December 7 to fill out a couple of 401k forms. This will start the company matching your monthly contributions to your 401k account. (You can fill out the forms later, but to get the first month’s contribution, I need the forms by December 7.)
FYI, the company has made several changes to our 401k account with AcmeOne Investing:
• The company will now match up to 5% of your contributions, once you sign up
• A dozen more mutual funds are available
• There are new tracking tools on the website
All other aspects of the plan are the same.
Thanks,
—JS
Notice all the elements of bit-literate e-mail structure:
Subject, with frontloaded hook: The entire Subject is the hook, and its wording is frontloaded. If Steve, the recipient,