Blowing Smoke - Michael Wolraich [92]
”Everything Is Connected”
The conspiracy of bogeymen extends beyond Obama and his band of merry czars. According to Beck, “This is much bigger than Barack Obama. Powerful special interest groups began to lay this framework over the last few years.”42 “Special interest groups” is an interesting choice of words; special interest was Reagan-era code for minority constituencies. And sure enough, the most powerful villains of Beck’s universe are minorities. We’ve already seen Obama, Van Jones, Rev. Wright, and Mark Lloyd, not to mention the “racist” Justice Sotomayor. Beck also fears international Jew George Soros. And Andy Stern, former president of the Service Employees International Union (SEIU). He’s Jewish too. Noting that Stern had logged a lot of White House visits, Beck claimed that Stern is the guy “who’s really controlling our country.”43 Then there’s Bertha Lewis, the former CEO of the now defunct Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN). She’s African American. According to Beck, ACORN “has laid eggs inside of our government, not just in the White House and through the czars and everything else but it is laying those eggs, deep and powerful eggs in something called AmeriCorps.”cb44
Of course, as Glenn Beck likes to say, “Everything is connected.”45
[WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS A TEDIOUS AND SOMEWHAT
BEWILDERING DISCUSSION OF RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN VARIOUS PUBLIC FIGURES.
READERS WITH SHORT ATTENTION SPANS
AND/OR GOOD SENSE ARE ENCOURAGED TO SKIP STRAIGHT TO
THE HELPFUL DIAGRAM BELOW.]
For example, one of ACORN’s founders is also on the board of directors of the Tides Foundation, which has received donations from the Open Society Institute, which is funded by George Soros. According to NewsMax, Soros also donated $5 million to an organization called Health Care for America Now (HCAN). Andy Stern’s SEIU has also contributed to HCAN, and Beck said that ACORN has too, though I can’t confirm that. Meanwhile, Beck claimed that Stern’s wife (actually his ex-wife) founded the “Blue-Green Group,” which “turned into” the Apollo Alliance. cc Van Jones is on the board of directors of the Apollo Alliance, which is a project of the Tides Center, which is administratively linked to the Tides Foundation, which as we have seen is connected to ACORN and Soros. Thus, as Glenn Beck summarized in a falsetto tone of mock incredulity, “It’s almost like these three are all connected.”cd46
Baffled? Bored? Nauseated? Don’t worry, Beck provided a helpful diagram on his trusty chalkboard:
While Beck’s chalkboard technology may be more primitive than O’Reilly’s fancy computer charts, Beck has compensated with innovative tactical maneuvers, such as diversionary hand-waving techniques; he has frequently surprised enemies by spontaneously adding even more arrows to existing charts. Overall, Beck’s arrow production has outpaced O’Reilly’s by a factor of ten, and his flexible smart darts can literally point circles around O’Reilly’s conventional arrows.
Beck also revolutionized chalkboard warfare in 2009 with the introduction of “sticky pictures” that he can attach directly to the chalkboard. Beck’s sticky picture formula is top secret. Some experts speculate that it uses magnetism; others hypothesize static electricity. According to one unconventional theory, Fox News has developed a whole new technology by reverse engineering geckos. Alternatively, it could just be double-sided Scotch tape.
Finally, in yet another brilliant innovation from 2009, Beck dropped the chalkboard altogether and replaced it with what appears to be an elegant watercolor.
But it’s not all about fabulous graphics. Beck’s elaborate charts are simply tools of his trade—a bunch of lines and arrows that make tenuous relationships seem like cohesive conspiracies. Beck’s true skill lies in his ability to produce and promulgate the conspiracy narratives that these pictures support. He is extraordinarily