Blown for Good - Marc Morgan Headley [3]
Many words and terms used throughout the book are foreign to most outsiders. While I have tried to define these within the text, there is also a glossary in the back, which defines all of them. It could be said that if two Scientologists were talking to each other about Scientology it would almost seem they were speaking a different language, I have done my best to translate the language of Scientology.
My experience as a member and an employee of Scientology’s Sea Organization have been chronicled to expose the inner workings of the institution and to shed some light on the internal abuse, discrimination and mistreatment within the organization.
While I am not a lawyer and not familiar with the ins and outs of the laws, it is my intention to publish these experiences in the hopes that others will read this and become aware of institutions like Scientology and in turn, avoid falling prey to any organization that might attempt to perpetrate similar abuses against them or someone they love in the future.
Why and how did I let this happen? In this book, I attempt to lay the groundwork enough so that you can see that, like language, culture and other environmental factors, some of this stuff is programmed in at an early age. It just happened that way, and I try to explain the key points where I thought this was happening.
I also have a hard time trying to compare my experience to something else that exists. The closest comparison I have been able to find has been the Iron Curtain. The people who were behind the Iron Curtain might have been considered “free” by their leaders. They also probably did what they were told and lived their lives as best they knew how under those conditions. They were not allowed to leave and if they attempted to it was dangerous and, in many cases, fatal.
Since I left in 2005, I have had hundreds of nightmares about being recaptured. After writing this book I have fewer and less frequent nightmares. Whether this is a direct result of me writing down and reliving several years of experiences is anybody’s guess. Either way, I feel that this book has been a therapeutic process for me and helped me to heal my mental and emotional wounds as well as understand what happened.
Thanks.
Marc Headley - 2009
Chapter One – Walking in My Shoes
They are driving right alongside me in the black Nissan Pathfinder. The roads are slick from the rain and I am in no position to do any sort of maneuvering with my bags on the motorbike. I round the turn past the golf course heading into town. For a split second I contemplate going off road down into the riverbed but with the rain, there is a good chance that it might contain water, and it is just too risky with the security guards right on my tail.
After we get over the bridge, Danny and Matt yell out through the window of the SUV that I need to pull over to the side of the road or they are going to make me pull over. My helmet visor is now starting to fog up. I am trying to keep my attention on the road. “I just need to get into town and I will be fine,” I keep telling myself. The truck is right next to me, and they are yelling out the window for me to pull over. I can’t look over, it’s too dangerous to take my eyes off the road and I need to pretend they aren’t there. That is when I realize that the truck is drifting further and further towards the shoulder. They are going to run me off the road! I cannot believe this is happening! There is nowhere for me to go. They are keeping up with me, no problem. I have not factored in the rain. If only it hadn’t rained! It rains about ten times a year in Southern California, and the day I decide to blow is one of those days! The truck continues to drift over; I am now out of space. The shoulder is not drivable, even for my dual sport Yamaha TW 200. My attempt to blow is going to end right here with a bang. I have been gone for a whole minute and this is it. What a lousy attempt I am making to leave.
As I run out of road, it is only a matter of seconds before I hit the ground and the bike goes