Bones of Faerie - Janni Lee Simner [40]
She was the one who didn't understand. My sister was dead. I'd seen Father take her away. I'd seen the cracked, bloody bones that were her only remains. Even those bones were likely gone now, eaten or buried by some wild creature. No one could call anyone back after that. No one had that kind of power, not the faerie folk, not humans—no one.
Yet the shadow cried on. My fingernails dug into my palms, drawing blood. The pain released the coiled tension, giving it somewhere to go. I thought of the knife at my belt. For just a moment, I wished Father were here— to take that blade, to put an end to me and my magic, to keep me from having to face the shadow that waited on the other side of the river. I moved my hand to the hilt, taking comfort in its familiar grip.
A wet nose nudged my hand away. I looked up, into gray wolf eyes. I reached out, meaning to shove Matthew away.
Instead I found myself grabbing him, holding him. I fell to my knees, clutching his fur like Allie had clutched the ropes, not daring to let go. “It's not my fault,” I whispered. Then, louder, “It's not my fault!” My screams drowned out the choking baby cries behind me. “There was nothing I could do once Father decided! You know that, you were there!” My fingers dug into his fur, surely causing pain, but the wolf remained silent, steady.
“Matthew.” I spoke his name aloud, thinking of the gray wolf, the quiet boy, knowing that they were the same. “You were there, Matthew.” I shivered as I spoke, feeling the power beneath the words, understanding them for the call they were.
Fur shrank from my grasp. My fingers dug into Matthew's bare shoulders as he knelt before me. Still he didn't draw away. Human arms reached out and held me. My trembling subsided. “It's not your fault,” Matthew repeated gently. “It's his fault, Liza, not yours.”
I remembered running from the hillside where Rebecca had died, screaming her name as I did. I'd called her as surely as I'd called Allie. “But I was too late.” My voice was flat and cold, the truth of the fact seeping into my bones. I could have called Rebecca back, if only I'd gone sooner. I even could have carried her back without magic, if only I'd arrived in time.
Matthew looked at me, but there was no blame in his human eyes. Sunlight shone on his skin and loose hair. I drew back and stood, feeling a faint flush through everything else as I thought of how I'd held him, unashamed. Allie got the raincloak from my pack and draped it over his shoulders. He pulled it absently around himself as he stood. “You didn't know,” he said.
But I knew now. Knew that I'd been too late but had called Rebecca back anyway. Knew that she'd answered that call, as much as she was able. Knew that I was responsible for the shadow that had followed me from home, touched Kimi, and forced Allie across the river.
I walked to the river's edge and knelt to gaze at the patch of darkness on the other side. The cries gave way to gasping, troubled breaths.
“Rebecca,” I whispered, and she fell silent at my voice.
Allie was right. I couldn't leave her there. “Rebecca,” I called, louder, putting command into the word. “Rebecca!” My throat tightened around that call.
The shadow surged forward, drew back. Then it shuddered, rose up, and flew across the water, gliding toward me like a small dark bird. I opened my arms. The shadow flew into them, and I drew it close. Shadow overflowed my arms like an old blanket.
It was only a shadow. It had no weight, but it felt cold as ice. The cold didn't chill me, though, not like it had Kimi. This was my magic, I realized. I could handle it, as surely as Jared could handle his glowing stones.
Jared's stones had burned him. I remembered Karin saying that.