Bones of Faerie - Janni Lee Simner [55]
“I was too late.” My voice was flat.
Kate pressed her lips together. “We were all too late, one way or another.” She pulled me into a swift hug, held Matthew a moment as well. “Seeing both of you back safely is already more than I'd hoped for. Now out of those clothes. The effects of radiation have a lot to do with the length of exposure, and your clothes can hold particles you can't see.”
“I'm always too late.” I didn't release Mom's hand.
“Liza.” The anger in Kate's voice startled me. “Don't you dare go blaming yourself for this.” She drew me roughly to my feet and turned me to face her. “This began before you were born. You did all anyone could expect and more. Now get out of those things. You can wash in the kitchen. I'll stay with your mother, and when you're through we'll wash her, too.”
I sighed, brushing a stray hair from Mom's face, even as Kate hugged Matthew again, then Allie. “I'm sorry,” I told Mom, then stood and followed Matthew and Allie from the room.
The well was working again. Allie and I filled buckets and carried them in. Outside the sun was low, and the chill air raised goose bumps beneath my wet sweater and jacket. Soon oaks and maples and sycamores would shiver with cold, shaking winter snows from their green leaves.
Matthew met us in the kitchen with soap and towels and changes of clothes from upstairs. I bent to pull off my boots, then hesitated. I glanced uncomfortably at Matthew. He glanced uncomfortably back, and his neck flushed red.
“Come on,” Allie said. She already had her jacket and boots off and was tugging on her socks.
“Um,” I said, even as I thought how I'd seen Matthew without clothes before, how it shouldn't matter.
“I'll go see if Gram needs any help,” Matthew said quickly. “I'll come back when you're through.”
Allie rolled her eyes as he left. “Boys are silly, you know that?”
I didn't answer.
We scrubbed down hard with the cold water, shivering all the while. It took both of us to wash Tallow. When we finished, the old cat shook herself and stalked indignantly away. We put our ash-coated clothes into a plastic bin and changed into clean ones. Matthew had also brought a blanket for a new sling. When I wrapped Rebecca in it she looked up at me and smiled, a quiet baby smile that was free of tears. My heart tightened in my chest. She would never be more than shadow.
Allie rolled her pants and sleeves up. Our feet were bare. We'd have to find or make new boots later. I hesitated, then hung Caleb's disk around my neck once more. Allie tried to braid her tangled hair, but quickly gave up and let it fall loose like mine.
“Maybe things will be all right after all,” she said hopefully, and followed me toward the kitchen doorway.
From the living room I heard Kate's voice.
“I've never wished so hard for a perfectly ordinary emergency room, or a phone that could dial nine-one-one. But I doubt even that would help her.” Kate sounded tired and old. “Truth is, Matthew, there's not much any of us can do. Keep her comfortable. Give her what we can for the pain.”
“Liza,” Allie breathed. She grabbed my hand so tightly my fingers hurt.
“Before it would have been different,” Kate said. “There was always something more we could try Before.”
My stomach knotted. I crept forward and peered through the doorway. Kate had propped Mom up on some pillows. The ash had been scrubbed from her skin, and beneath the blankets she wore only a loose nightshirt. Matthew slowly poured water from a cup down her throat. Mom didn't move, not even to take the cup from his hands.
“I can call her back.” My words were