Bones of the River - Edgar Wallace [49]
“Is that you?” asked Hamilton.
Bones nodded.
“You look more like a man who has died,” snarled his superior. “What’s the meaning of this dashed nonsense?”
He did not say “dashed.” Bones screwed up his face in an expression of pain, and the grimace made his face even more startling.
“Language, dear old thing! That’s one of the things I’m not going to have. I hate to hurt your jolly old feelings, Ham, but the studio must be kept clean.”
“Studio?”
“Well, I haven’t got a studio yet,” admitted Bones, “but that’s coming, dear old Felix – you’re Felix.”
“I’m what?” asked the dazed Hamilton.
Bones searched the litter of papers by the side of his make-up box and found another slip, which he handed without a word to his chief.
“Fellix Harington a young and hansom fellow of 26. His countenance is open and Frank and a genal smile is in his eyes, but very deceptful.”
Hamilton could only look helplessly from the paper to Bones. That gentleman was perfectly composed.
“There’s a fortune in it, my dear old officer,” he said calmly. “In fact, there’s two fortunes in it. Now, my idea is a play where a seemingly villainous person turns out a jolly old hero in the end. And the seemingly heroic old person turns out a jolly old rotter – robs his old father, and is going to murder him, when up comes Reggie the Knut – that’s me.”
“Wait a minute,” said the dazed Hamilton. “Do I understand that you have cast me for this part – and may I ask who is the father?”
“The jolly old Commissioner,” said Bones complacently, and Hamilton’s jaw dropped.
When he recovered command of his voice: “Do you imagine that Sanders is going to jigger about, wearing false whiskers, just to amuse an infernal–”
“I’m not sure about the whiskers,” said Bones thoughtfully, “I’ve been turning it over in my mind, dear old Ham, and I’m not so sure that the whiskers would come out. A little beard perhaps, or maybe a couple of mutton chops.”
Then Bones’ scheme came out. He had written a great play; it was entirely without women characters. He, Sanders and Hamilton were to act the story in their spare time, work in, to use his own expression, “a dinky little battle between savages, where I come along, dear old thing, and foil them single-handed – and it will be a sensation, Ham. There’s never been anything done like it and there never will be again perhaps, unless I do it. Look at the life, my dear old Felix…the wonderful scenery…it will be a sensation, dear old thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t make half-a-million.”
Sanders heard all about this new scheme of Bones’ without being either annoyed or perturbed.
“But you may tell him from me, Hamilton, that under no conditions will I act the fool in front of his wretched camera. By the way, did you see it?”
Hamilton nodded. “It’s not a bad-looking camera,” he admitted, “and Bones can turn the handle very well. He’s been to the kitchen, practising on the knife-cleaner, and he says he’s got exactly the right speed.”
Baffled in his great attempt to create a picture which should startle the world, Bones, the adaptable, decided upon a great native drama.
“It’s never been done, dear old Ham,” he said eagerly one night at dinner, when he expounded his scheme – and it was curious how quickly he had assimilated the clichés of the studio – “that’s the one thing you’ve got to be careful about on the cinema, old boy, do something that has never been done before. I’m working out the scenery now–”
“The word you want, I think,” said Hamilton, “is ‘scenario.’”
“Same thing, my dear old Ham,” said Bones testily. “Good gracious heavens, why do you interrupt me on a trivial little matter like scenery? Scenery or scenario – same jolly old thing.”
“Where are you laying the plot?” asked Sanders.
“Anywhere, dear old excellency,” said Bones vaguely. “My idea is to make Ahmet the hero, who runs away with the beautiful Kalambala, the Sultan’s favourite wife. And she’s rescued by a handsome young Englishman–”
“Need you go any further?” asked Hamilton.
“A handsome young Englishman,” repeated Bones, with a contemptuous