Bonnie - Iris Johansen [38]
“Or you’ll take me out?” His lips twisted. “You’re as fiercely protective of Catherine as she is of you.”
“Catherine doesn’t trust easily. She’s had a rough life. I won’t have her hurt.” Her gaze was searching his face. She was remembering bits and pieces, phrases, expressions that she’d ignored because of the urgency of the situation. But protecting Catherine had its own urgency. “Just what do you feel about her, John?”
He didn’t answer directly. “You don’t have to worry about her trusting me. She’s too smart for that.”
“Dammit, answer me.”
“What do you want me to say?” he asked harshly. “That I admire her, that I’m grateful to her for helping me when I didn’t deserve it. That I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I’d let her be killed.”
“That’s quite a bit. Noble sentiments.”
“Noble? You know me better than that. There’s nothing pure or noble about me.” He met her gaze. “All that stuff pales beside the fact that I want to screw her so much that I ache with it. I haven’t wanted a woman like this since I met you all those years ago, Eve.”
She stiffened. The words were raw and his expression intense, reckless. Yet she shouldn’t have been so surprised. She had sensed … something when talking to Catherine, but neither Catherine nor Gallo would let down their guard enough to reveal an emotion this intimate.
“Are you satisfied?” Gallo asked. “No, I can see I’ve upset you. You shouldn’t have pushed if you didn’t want me to tell you the truth.”
“You did upset me.” Her gaze was searching his face. “I think you wanted to upset me, or you wouldn’t have just come out with it like that. Why, John?”
“Why? Good question.” He didn’t speak for a moment. “I think I felt guilty. Maybe I wanted absolution.”
“Absolution?” She frowned. “What on earth are you talking about? Because Catherine is my friend?”
“No, because I felt … unfaithful.”
She stared at him, stunned.
“Yeah, I know,” he said roughly. “It’s crazy. But then, everyone knows that about me.”
“Unfaithful to me? That doesn’t make sense. Good God, how many women have you had over the years?”
“That’s different. They didn’t matter. I didn’t feel … It wasn’t anything like what was between us.”
“And what you’re feeling for Catherine is like what we felt?”
“Yes. No. It’s different, but it … means something. I don’t know what.”
“That’s clear as mud. And so is your reasoning. There’s nothing between us, John. Whatever we were together vanished when you left me. Why the hell should you feel guilty?”
“I shouldn’t. You and I tried to keep what we felt from meaning anything but sex.” He added hoarsely, “You may have succeeded, but even back then I wasn’t so sure that I did. And after I was thrown into that prison, the memory of you stayed with me.” He paused. “And then there was Bonnie. I told you once that she’d bind us together forever.”
And Eve couldn’t argue with him on that score. Why else was she with him?
“You were special to me,” he said. “You’ll always be special. I know you’ve moved on. Hell, I’m beginning to think I’ve moved on, too. God knows, it took me long enough. So maybe next time I want to screw Catherine, I won’t feel as if I—” He drew a deep breath. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to let all this loose on you. Forget it.”
“I can’t forget it.” She stared at him in frustration. “And I can’t ignore it. This is nuts. You were not unfaithful to me because you want to go to bed with Catherine. We both know that.” Her lips thinned. “Absolution? John Gallo, that’s the height of absurdity.”
“Yes.” He smiled. “And I’m beginning to feel better with every word you’re hurling at me. What’s between us is so damn complicated that it’s good to get it out in the open. Now I can try to seduce Catherine and not worry about anything but having a good time.”
“I didn’t say that,” she said, exasperated. “You don’t have any responsibility to me, but you’d better act responsibly with Catherine.”
“You know I don’t have a history in that direction.” His smile faded. “But I’ll try to change my ways if it will please you, Eve. I guess I could try this pure, noble crap.”
“Bullshit,” she said