Book of Days_ A Novel - James L. Rubart [129]
Now sitting at the top of their climb, having told her how close he'd come to killing himself, he let the peace of the moment settle over him. Only one more confession to go. But not right away.
"It still amazes me that the Book of Days is real." Ann breathed deep. "It's hard to let go of how insensitive I was to Jessie about it. I refused to believe her."
"So you haven't forgiven yourself for that?"
"Are you my spiritual advisor now?" Ann punched him lightly in the shoulder.
"How about forgiving your mom for what she did or didn't do?"
She leaned back, bracing herself on her hands, and smiled. "As a matter of fact, I have. I let it go. What my mom did to me . . . what I did to Jessie."
"How does it feel?"
"I feel free." Ann smiled and looked at the sky.
Cameron let the scene around him soak into his memory. A memory he might be able to hold. If not, God would hold it for him.
"Taylor says when he and Grange are gone, someone needs to be the guardian of the book. I think he handed the baton to me. I wouldn't mind having a partner in that venture."
"You're asking me?"
"Would you like to go there?"
"To the lake? Without question." Ann grabbed his hand. "Will I see anything?"
"Yes, I think so. I . . . I don't know." Cameron fumbled for the words. "It's not like I had any control over what it showed me or didn't show me." Cameron smiled. "I would love to see what it would show you."
"And you couldn't see everything it contains?"
"I thought I'd be able to. I thought it would tell the story of every soul on earth. That I'd be able to access every memory I'd ever had and look into my entire future. But the book is far smarter than that. I only saw glimpses, quick scenes of what was, what is to come, and what could come. Like I said, it only showed me what it wanted to show me."
Ann arched an eyebrow and quirked her lips. "It?"
"God."
"So He's real, then?"
"Most definitely."
"What are you going to do about that?"
"Learn, explore, follow Him."
Ann laughed, threw her arms around him, and squeezed tight. "As soon as you picked me up this morning, I knew it. It's all over your face." She pulled back and studied him. "It's over all of you."
"That's a good thing?"
Ann nodded and squeezed him again. "Would you mind terribly if I called you Wesley? It sounds so much better than Farm Boy."
He knew those names. Where were they from? He laughed. Of all the things to remember. "The Princess Bride."
"Yes." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "What did His book show you about us?"
"That we have a choice to change what might become."
"You sound like Dickens."
"What does that mean?"
"Scrooge changed things after his visit from the three ghosts, didn't he?"
"Ah yes." Cameron slid his arm around her and pulled her into his chest.
"So the future is fluid."
"If you like those words, yes."
"In this fluid future, if we both choose the way you'd like us to, where would we end up?"
Time for his final confession.
"I had hoped God would cure me at the lake. I have no idea if He did. It feels like something has changed, but that could be only my imagination." He took her hands in his. "I never thought I could let Jessie go." He reached for the familiar sensation of the stone around his neck, but his fingers found nothing. "But I have. And even though my mind might be gone in a month or a year, whatever time I have left, I want to spend it with you."
Ann didn't respond for a long time. When she did, she stood, pulled him up, and held both his hands in hers. "Do you regret the years you spent with Jessie? Even if you'd known the future, would you have pushed her out of your life, or would you have still savored every moment?"
She gazed toward Three Peaks in the distance. "I met a guy once who had a near-death