Book of Days_ A Novel - James L. Rubart [32]
But maybe the book was real. It was possible, wasn't it? Peasley, Susan Hillman . . .
Cameron bolted upright. Didn't he just have this conversation with himself? A surge of heat pulsed through his body. Stop it. He couldn't let himself go there. "You are not losing it, Cameron. Your mind is fine."
Cameron stood at the window and recited long passages of Henry David Thoreau he had memorized in college. After reeling off the top-ten grossing concerts of the last year, he launched into naming the places Jessie and he had gone on their first five hiking trips together. He made it to number two.
Cameron raked his fingernails across his head, as if he could dig the memories out of some hidden chamber in his mind. A groan escaped his lips as he pressed his head against the glass and gritted his teeth. Think!
Just after midnight he gave up and wiped the cold sweat off his forehead. He'd tossed on a rocklike mattress every night since getting to Three Peaks. He'd read that lack of REM sleep could have a devastating effect on memory. That had to be it. Had to.
He flopped down on his bed, yanked the covers over his body, and let exhaustion carry him away.
The dream started almost immediately.
Three Years, Two Month Earlier
A hint of barbecued salmon lingered in the air long after Jessie and Cameron had cooked and eaten their dinner in Wilmot Park on the north shore of Lake Chelan. The lake turned from gray to black as the last light of day faded from the sky, light ripples the only movement on the water. The first star broke out of the dusky twilight and neither of them spoke till three more had appeared.
Cameron pulled Jessie against his chest. "It seems ridiculous to believe we're the only beings in this universe, don't you think?"
"Does it matter?"
Cameron frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Does it matter if we are or we aren't? Isn't the deeper question if we'll go on once this existence is over?"
"You're thinking it's time for a little God-talk?" Cameron stroked her hair. "Lay it on me."
Jessie's breathing settled into a steady rhythm, and Cameron consciously caused his pace to join hers. It was a way to feel as one. Neither spoke.
She finally turned her head slightly and broke the silence. "You know how you always said you couldn't live without me?"
Cameron kissed her forehead. "True."
"You can." She took two long breaths. "You will."
"Uh-oh. This is where you tell me you've fallen in love with your old high school tennis coach and you're about to leave."
Jessie didn't laugh. "You'll make it without me." She gazed up at him, eyes sad.
"I'm not going anywhere, sweetie, and neither are you."
"Okay." Jessie buried her head in his chest. "I want to believe that."
"Why wouldn't you?" He leaned over and looked into her eyes.
She closed them and pressed her lips together. "It's just that sometimes I get scared."
"Of what?"
"Being separated."
"No fear, we're going to be together for a long, long time." He squeezed her tight. "That tennis coach isn't nearly as handsome as me."
Again, Jessie didn't laugh. "It's still years away. I'm not going to think about it."
What was she talking about? "What's years away?"
"Death."
A heaviness fell on Cameron as if a backpack full of stones had been thrown on his shoulders. She was serious. Death? "What's going on with you?"
"I'm fine."
"Then why are you talking like this?"
"I just want to be with you for a long, long time," Jessie said.
"It'll be decades at least."
"Okay." She nuzzled in tighter.
He stroked her hair again. "I love you, Jess."
"Always, Cam-Ram. Always and forever."
The melancholy tone in her voice echoed in his mind for the rest of their vacation.
Cameron woke early on Friday with images of Jessie in his mind.
Had he dreamed about her? Yes. They'd been somewhere together. Near a lake? On vacation? The last images slipped from his mind like sand through his fingers. He gritted his teeth.
He had to find the book. See if it could—
No.
Cameron threw on his biking shorts and ignored the thoughts