Brave Story - Miyuki Miyabe [213]
That had to be it. He wanted it to be. There wasn’t a bone in my body that had wanted to kill Yacom. I may have been angry at him, and frightened. He was so like Dad. And more. He had been brutally honest, saying things Wataru could never imagine his father saying, even though he feared they might be true. But I never wanted to kill him. I can’t do that sort of thing. I’m not that kind of person.
But then, when he thought about it, it occurred to him that he had done many things he never would have believed possible since coming to Vision. He had done battle with monsters—tests that took him to the limits of his strength and wit. Twice he had almost been executed, and twice he hadn’t shed a tear, or uttered a single cry for mercy. All the while, the Brave’s Sword hung at his side…
Maybe he had become a different person—ever since he had passed the test at the Cave of Trials. From that point on, he wasn’t Wataru. He was a Traveler; stronger, braver, and smarter than Wataru.
If I had to, couldn’t I kill someone, really? Isn’t this the brave Wataru I always wanted to become? Isn’t that why I’m wielding a Brave’s Sword?
Yacom was a bad person, an evil person. The depth of Lili’s evil might have been lesser than his, but still she had hurt others by acting out of pure self-interest. What if it wasn’t an illusion? What if it were true? Would I really have to blame myself?
“You’re a Highlander, aren’t you?” Shin asked. Wataru looked at the firewyrm band on his arm. “Which branch are you from?”
“Gasara.”
“I see. You’ve come quite a long way, then.”
“You don’t think it’s strange to have a child like me be a Highlander?”
“Not at all. In the village where I grew up, the grown-ups would always go elsewhere for work. We children and the elderly were left to defend our town against bandits and monsters alike. The branch chief in our town was an old man with a bad back, and all the Highlanders under him were quite young. They did good work, though.” Shin blushed and scratched his head. “I was always a bit on the cowardly side. Can’t say I was much of a help to them.”
The sun had set, and it had become quite dark inside the hut. Shin stood and lit the lamp on his cluttered desk. A soft golden light filled the room, along with the faintly medicinal smell of lamp oil.
“I think it takes bravery to do research here all alone like you are, though.”
“Well, that has less to do with bravery, and more to do with me wanting to keep my job.” Then he fell suddenly silent, though it seemed as though he still had more to say.
He’s shy. Wataru thought it best not to pry too deeply into his private affairs.
Wataru touched the red leather of his firewyrm band. He remembered what Kutz had said. If a Highlander’s hands should ever be stained with unjust deeds, the firewyrm’s flame would blaze out of the band and burn him alive. Those very flames he had seen firsthand when he met Jozo in the Swamp of Grief.
But there was his band, still on his arm. Did that mean he hadn’t done anything wrong?
It must’ve been a dream. Or, even if it really happened, then it was the right thing to do. The more he thought about it, the more confused he became. Dreams, dreams, and more dreams. That’s what it had to have been. How could it be right to murder someone? How could someone who was truly brave run a blade through a defenseless woman?
“I don’t mean to pry,” Shin asked, “but where were you headed?”
Wataru looked up.
“Were you doing something in the Swamp of Grief?”
“Well, no, not really,” Wataru lied. “I got separated from some friends…”
Wataru briefly explained what had happened outside Lyris. As he listened, Shin’s clever eyes opened wide, then fell dark. “Lyris, eh?” He sat with his arms folded across his chest, shoulders slumped. “It’s hard to say whether the people you