Brave Story - Miyuki Miyabe [78]
Wataru’s voice had grown louder and louder as he talked. They were catching glances from the people on nearby benches. A young couple pushing a stroller nearby stopped in their tracks.
Akira reached out a hand and affectionately stroked Wataru’s back. Don’t touch me. He had to clench both his hands into fists to stop himself from swatting away his father’s hand.
“Lies are bad, that’s true,” Akira said in a low, husky voice. “But twisting the truth and not saying something that’s private are two different things. You should understand that. You do understand, don’t you? You’re a smart kid.”
Who cares if I’m smart? Why are you always trying to change the subject?
“Satoru told you, didn’t he?”
Wataru was silent.
“Your grandmother? Not your mother, surely.”
Wataru jerked his head upward. “I won’t tell you unless you tell me if it’s true or not.”
Akira sighed.
The usual bustle had returned to the fountain square. All these people have no idea what we’re talking about. Everyone in the world is happy. Everyone except us.
“It is true,” Akira said.
The words shot by Wataru, still falling, and disappeared above him. They weren’t falling—he had fallen by them. Now he saw they had grown wings, and were flying up into the sky, happy.
“I’m going to start a new life with this woman. If your mother agrees to a divorce, I intend to marry her.”
The rumble of tank treads sounded in Wataru’s fears. “Grandma’s pretty mad. She’ll never go for it.”
To Wataru’s surprise, Akira laughed. “Of course she won’t. One phone call was enough to convince me of that. She told me I wasn’t a father anymore—or her son. Your grandmother disowned me.”
“Disowned? What’s that?”
“That means we officially stop being a parent and child.”
“So you’re not Grandma’s son anymore? And Uncle Lou…does this make him not my uncle anymore?”
Akira’s mouth curled into a grim smile. “No, Grandma didn’t really disown me. But she was mad enough to say she would.”
“And Grandma being so mad doesn’t make you think twice about your decision? Do you think you’re doing the right thing?”
Akira looked into Wataru’s eyes. “Do you think it’s the right thing to abandon your convictions because someone close to you gets angry?”
“Abandon your convictions? You mean change your mind?”
“Yes, that’s right. Convictions are very important decisions, the kind you can’t go back on.”
So abandoning me and Mom was an important decision.
“So what are your convictions, Dad. I mean, Mom is really sad, and Grandma’s furious, and all Uncle Lou does is hold his head in his hands and moan. How can convictions be worth all that?”
An elderly couple eating ice cream on the bench next to them had caught a snippet of the conversation and were now peering at them with interest. Akira shot them a withering glare. The two looked at each other and resumed licking their cones.
“What are my convictions?” Akira echoed. “You need to know?”
“Yeah,” Wataru said firmly, but inside he was frightened. He had backed his father into this and now he was treading on unknown territory. He was trying to open a door that shouldn’t be opened. If only there were a strategy guide for this, like for a role-playing game. A powerful, secret boss lies in wait behind this door. If you’re under level fifty, it’s best to sneak past.
“Your father’s conviction,” Akira said slowly, “is that you only live once.”
You only live once.
“That’s why, if you think you’ve made a mistake, no matter how much you struggle, how much difficulty you face, you have to fix what can be fixed. There’s no time for regrets.”
He spoke slowly, saying every word with the proper weight, but the only one that stuck in Wataru’s head was mistake.
Dad’s life was a mistake.
So…what does that make me?
“Are you saying it was a mistake for you to marry Mom? So what about me? Does that make me a mistake too? Is that what you mean?”
Akira shook his head. “No that’s not what I mean. I’m not saying that.”
“Then what was your mistake? I don’t get